It's been a while

since the last time I've gotten around to post something on here. Quite a while, actually. Probably the longest while I've ever put writing on here off, but well, I'm busy as fuck. I've got four books to write, am doing sports, working, and continue to write regularly for GonzoToday, all of which combined makes scribbling on here utterly impossible. 

But I've gotten all my chores done for the day, and can therefore just sit back for a minute and let the words flow from my brain, through my veins, and onto this fucked up laptop that hasn't been working properly since Christmas. There are so many things to say I don't even know where to start; for one, I've moved up my flight date to China to the first of July, and am therefore swamped in various kinds of preparations. I'm also working as a waiter these days, which is possibly the best job for the kind of money I'm making there, but also means that on most days I come home with my energy fully depleted and unable to produce a coherent line of thought, much less write one down. I've also taken to smoking again, which is just another vice to add on my long list, and therefore not all that bad. Although I have to say that cigarettes are the devil's playmates, and I certainly loathe the addiction, there are still so many things my insane cerebrum perceives as positive about them that I cannot seem to fully stop. I'll have to find some sort of a middle-way I can take there in order not to fuck myself up all too much and still not having to give up the smoking. Or I'll manage to just stop again, which would of course be better. At least I've stopped betting unreasonably large amounts of money on soccer games, which is a huge relief for both my conscience and my wallet. There are not many things going on in my life besides my work, my preparations, and GonzoToday at the moment, which means that there isn't so much to write about either. 

Although I do have a topic that's been lingering in my mind since a job I've had a few weeks ago; I was at some sort of fancy private bank where a few artists displayed their works and the bank's clients dined for free. Serving these money-ridden, arrogant pricks made me realize just how little ability to handle money these people actually have. First of all, they're letting their money rot away in a bank, which shows that they have no clue as to what to do with their money anyways. Secondly, these snobby bastards have somehow, somewhere gotten so entrenched in the notion that their money makes them morally and socially better than everyone else that they're now just looking down on anyone they deem "too poor" or "too weird" to associate themselves with. I mean I offered some of these bastards something to drink or eat and they just took it with their head raised slightly higher, not looking or god forbid talking to me. I was a fucking peasant in their eyes, and I can simply not understand how blinded one can be by some worthless fucking slips of paper. It is just so damn sad to see how we have 90% of the world's population starving to death, and then these rich fucks have the audacity to look down on someone bringing them free food. It's mind-boggling madness to me, really. These people do not have one shred of human dignity left in their filthy bodies, and I can not understand how these kind of people are what we're being taught to strive for. Big money is a good dream, don't get me wrong, I myself am trying to get as rich as I can, but this dream was somehow blurred and distorted in our everyday society to mean that striving for money is striving for materialistic decadence, and that's what's being glorified on the news, and in pop-culture. It's sad, really, to what level we have stooped. We used to understand that with great power - monetary influence in this case - comes great responsibility, but apparently this understanding has been lost, we have been deluded by the influence on TV and in movies, and are now aiming for the power, but not willing to take on the responsibilities anymore, and that is breeding a culture of people that have such a large financial wealth, but no idea and no drive to do something good for others with it, and that just cannot stand. I'm not loathing someone for being rich, why would I? If that person's has paid his or her dues, and gotten rich by doing something he or she knows how - great! But please, prior to getting rich, understand the responsibilities that come with it - if you're rich and you do nothing but sit on your ass all day, then I loathe you, your existence, and everything you stand for. Arrogance is something that I really, and thoroughly despise, and, working in the field of "Haute Cuisine", I see so much of it each and every day, and have therefore developed a burning passion to purge the earth of those snobby fucks with a stick so far up their ass that it tickles their nose once and for all. 

Ha. A good, old-fashioned rant is just what I need to unwind sometimes. And it really did the trick, I'm now so much at ease that I'm getting sleepy... Ah... This will have to wait, first going to smoke then go to bed now...

...and I'm back. Took two whole days to actually find the time again, but I'm slowly working through this post so as to have it done by Saturday, which is the day on which I'll hopefully be able to upload it. Anyhow. I am quite anxious as to finally get the fuck out of Europe and back into wonderful Asia again, let me tell you that. There is nothing that takes more toll on my creativity than being surrounding by these energy-sucking parasites of Europeans again. I had forgotten just how annoying, arrogant, selfish, and utterly distasteful German people can be during my 7 years in China, and now that I've been back here for almost two years, I am so fucking eager to get back East that I'd take the next plane if it weren't for money and preparation needing to be gotten and made. There's literally nothing else holding me back here. With a few good friends of mine and my parents being the obvious exception. 

I complain too much, I know. There are some great things about being back in Germany, too, but the disadvantages clearly outweigh any positive points I could possibly find. Politics alone drive me mad here. It's not like it's better in Asia, politics suck all over the globe, but at least it's not this hypocritical lie-fest that we're being subjected to in our oh-so-free Western culture. It boggles the mind how many fucking lies and misrepresentations of facts some suit-wearing assholes can fit into a single sentence. I fucking hate that in the Western world it's all about how something sounds or how someone looks instead of about the content of the sentences and the personality of the individual. And I know that I'm repeating myself for like the billionth time with this, but, well, it's not like anything's changed since I've last approached this topic, so I might either not have reached the right people or they didn't give a fuck last time and need to be reminded of their own hypocrisy. 

Argh. I don't post for two months or so, and then my big comeback post is the above repetitive bullshit. Big disappointment, I know. But all of my creative juices are currently being put into the books and articles and interviews and video scripts and so on that I'm currently writing, which is why only the dull left-overs scraped off of the last unused parts of my worn-out brain actually arrive here, which actually saddens me, but has to be treated as an unchangeable fact for now. I hope I'll be less busy at some point in the next couple of months and be able to produce some quality content for you guys again! Until then, please just hang on and enjoy the good music below: 

Die Antwoord - Fatty Boom Boom

-> Well, Die Antwoord is quite clearly unlike anything I have ever posted, but I immensely enjoy their music, and especially their message; they're the blueprint for anti-establishment. They were signed with Interscope Records, but decided to drop that label when they were to be forced to cooperate with a popular artists. And the above video is their response to being asked to open for Lady Gaga, which is a pretty awesome fucking answer if you ask me. Anyway, great song, talented and authentic musicians, and a simply weird, freaky video... Enjoy! 

Die Antwoord - So What?

-> This track illustrates my reason for liking Die Antwoord quite well, I think. It's a great, old-school style Hip Hop track with a great carpe diem kind of message, which really speaks to me. Plus it is just shows the raw, creative potential within this group, which I think is virtually limitless. These are two really good rappers come together with a great DJ, and they do everything from sad love songs to energetic rave music, which is another reason why I enjoy them so much; they diversify, they don't stay on the same boring path all the time, and that's what makes them so awesomely unique! Enjoy!

Jetta - I'd love to change the world (Matstubs Remix)

-> This sounds like an angel came down from heaven to sit down at a mixer and make a heavenly sound straight outta paradise. I cannot put into the words the cosmic buzz listening to this song gives me, it's orgasmic, really. This is really a wave of beauty that crashes through your eardrum and straight into your brain, drowning out any thought and giving you over to an emotional roller-coaster that leaves you exhausted, exhilarated, cranked up, and hungry for more... Enjoy!

Tove Lo - Habits (Hippie Sabotage Remix)

-> With a name like "Hippie Sabotage", I expected something a bit different, but was positively surprised - this is perhaps the best remix of this otherwise rather dull song that I have heard. The great build-up to the soul-freeing hook that just screams drug use in excess, but also encompasses that spiritual, dreamy part of the brain that forces you to think about what you're doing and how you're doing it. I don't know, this song just evokes a lot of interesting feelings, especially when listening to it under the influence. Plus this remix just brings out the very best of this tune, so... Enjoy!

Black Sabbath - Paranoid

-> Well, I remember posting the Gus Black acoustic version of this song on here, but not the original song, which is a huge error on my part for which I apologize! I don't think that there's much to say to this song seeing as it is simply a pure classic that should get everyone wet between their legs. Enjoy!

Iron Maiden - The Trooper

-> I am on my classics trip once again, and dug up this old gem. An energetic, riff-laden masterpiece of epic proportions. The opening riff alone is one of the most memorable in history, and the rest of the song continues in like fashion. There is seldom a person who wouldn't list "the trooper" as one of the first songs when asked if he or she knows any good Iron Maiden songs. This tune has truly stood the test of time, and is an all-time classic that shan't ever be forgotten. Enjoy!

Well, it has really taken me a lot of time to actually get through writing this, and it is by now not Saturday but Monday, but what the hell, at least I managed to finally post something again. I think I will have to reduce the interval of my posts to once a month, because in my current situation nothing else is really possible, for which I apologize. But well, I hope that you've enjoyed this post nevertheless, and that you'll keep on following my blog until I have time to post on a weekly or bi-weekly basis again.

Peace!

My potential

has always surpassed my ambition by far, and I cannot shake the feeling that that is something not entirely uncommon in "talented" people. Which I don't really consider myself as being actually. But there are many voices (not in my head by the way...) that have told me that what I produce here and elsewhere in writing can be considered a "potential for great talent" of sorts, but I'm not really feeling up to meeting such grand expectations to be honest. Plus whenever I get praised I tend to get somewhat lazy and start dropping in quality. So I'll just stick to being humble and work within my normal frame of mind. 

Anyway. This "great potential" thing has its roots back in school, where I was constantly told that I have such potential but am simply wasting it with my laziness and slacker-attitude. But well. I have come to terms with not fully using the alleged potential that people seem to think I have and rather stick to doing things the way I want. And so should everyone else. Those that even care that is. Most of you won't. Hell, I am not sure I do, so what's the point in all this? Well. The moments enticing you to subtly formulate sentences that might be of actual literary value and have a chance to live on long after your physical demise are those that seem the most mundane at first, so setting expectations for yourself way too high trying to meet some "potential" others tell you they see in you is bound to lead to failure. Or at least, if not even worse, to disappointment. So do not look at your favorite author or your mom's opinion to judge your work. Compared to a long-established author, your work will always seem inferior when you compare it yourself. Others will disagree, but that will make you so sure of your writing that you'll end up not even producing a coherent sentence. And your mom will always tell you what you've written is good. Others will disagree, and might be right to do so, but you'll be too blinded by the judgement of your mom or other relatives and therefore dismiss actually constructive feedback, leading once again to you producing bullshit. Now this is not only limited to writing of course, in any given situation where what you do is subject to the judgement of others the same rules apply. I am not saying that what others think of your work is not relevant mind you. I am just saying that you should not let what others think that you could do influence the things that you actually do. And as I write this I realize that I myself am subject to the very things described above, and that it is hard to actually set aside all praise and criticism ever received whilst typing. Which is not a bad thing per se, seeing as it helps me to avoid things that have been pointed out to me that I myself then saw needed changing. But it is a bad thing in the sense of me not questioning my every word as much anymore, seeing as that usually results in some typos and even erroneous use of words at times; but it is somewhat impossible to return to that state of healthy uncertainty simply because I keep receiving good feedback about my work. Which I enjoy of course. And I am not feeling any superior or anything like that either, but there is a certain emotion lingering somewhere in my subconsciousness compelling me to just type things without thinking of a theme or concept, and without re-reading my work to see if it makes sense. I just expect it to work, and somehow it usually does. Hell, every essay I've ever written in my entire life has been written that way, and I've had a decent grade for every single one of them. So, am I giving in to expectations set by others that believe in my potential by just expecting the things I write to be of quality and make sense? I don't know, maybe I am. But when I read my own entries weeks or even months after publishing them, I am usually quite contend with the result of my typing frenzies. And therefore I rely on this concept for as long as it yields the results I expect it to, namely entertaining blog posts for you guys. And well, articles, essays, my novel, essentially anything I type. Although I do do some research for news articles, so the concept does not apply entirely, but seeing as I still write them in a single sitting without laying out a structure beforehand, I guess it does apply to some extent.

But fuck all that. I am sitting here, watching "Meet The Spartans" - low-brow potty humor I know, but after a good 24 hours of being awake I am kind of enjoying it. My brain seems fried anyway, I am no longer thinking in circles but getting stuck in the corners of the squares my thinking is currently made up of. Thinking isn't smooth right now. It's an erratic, speed-frenzied jumping back and forth in the great void between my right and left ear. I may have overdone things a bit yesterday evening and night. I was just about to experience a circulatory breakdown due to the fact that I stupidly used my asthma-inhaler in my current condition.  
(By the way, I do not actually have asthma - I just fucked up my lungs by smoking cigarettes up to a degree which made my doctor tell me to at least take the goddamned spray so that I can make it to age 40. Or something like that, I was a bit fucked up when I last went there and my memories are a little hazy to be honest. The essence is that my lungs are bad and that I need to use an asthma-spray in order to alleviate the weight of the cancerous black tar pressing down on my mistreated, wheezing pulmonary alveoli.) 
My entire vision got blurry and was centered to a tunnel-like vortex before I finally managed to sit down and let my body rest for a while. I am now fairly confident that I can stand up with ease again actually.  And I just did. Not with as much ease as I had expected, but in my current state of being that does not come as a surprise to me. So, in the marginal confines that my current condition allows I am rather well. Plus writing seems to be helping quite a bit. As long as I have my brain focused on creating coherent sentences that hold some meaning, I am not getting stuck in aforementioned corners and am therefore also not persisting on whatever imaginative paranoid monomania my deranged brain decides to come up with. Which is a good thing as you can imagine, simply because getting obsessed with some craze in my altered state of mind might turn ugly on me pretty quickly. So, I'll have to keep on writing, keep the flow going, don't get stuck on obtuse syntax or vocabulary questions, just keep it moving. I need movement, I need action, I have a need for speed so to say, and I am cranked up to an almost ugly maximum at the moment. Luckily it's not quite ugly yet and albeit some muscle spasms and temporary vertigo, I am still not feeling the tiniest bit of remorse or god forbid regret. I take responsibility for my own actions. Even if that means spending the entire day hunkered down in my room, cautiously avoiding people, and not feeling able to produce anything that makes sense anymore. Yet somehow still writing, which is somewhat contradictory I know, but writing is a kind of red line guiding my thoughts in a 'friendly' direction (for lack of a better word), so it seems like the primal parts of my brain are using the composition of words to keep the more sophisticated areas of my cerebrum from a long and dreadful pitfall leading to complete and utter exasperation when trying to think in meaningful terms. And as long as that's working, at least to some extent, I feel that I can hang on to this that I currently perceive as being my last straw already dangling at a silver thread. I have to admit that that sounds a bit melodramatic, but it actually sums up my feelings when it comes to this topic quite nicely.

Damn! I stared into the nothingness with an empty mind for about five minutes without even noticing just now. It literally feels like my brain has turned to mush. A grey, tasteless, emotionless mush, left with no abilities except to serve as ballast for my skull. Sounds sad, I know. But it'll pass. Tomorrow is another day, and it's going to be a lot less junkie-like than yesterday and today turned out to be. Well, not junkie-like per se. I am still writing this sitting on my retractable bed in the comfort of my medium-well cleaned apartment, with an abundance of psychoactive substances and clean tap water. Which is essentially all I need to survive today. And if I don't overdo the psychoactive chemicals like I did yesterday, I'll be able to catch a good night's sleep, and finally get caught up on the slumber time I've missed these past days. Or at least reach my all-time favorite state of being: the psychotic, deranging, maddening and tiring half-sleep madness that leaves one more exhausted and done for afterwards than one was prior to it. I wonder why my body insists on that kind of "rest" (mind the quotes, they're there for a reason...) instead of just saying Fuck It and using its last resources to stay awake until all fuel is used up, all body parts worn out, every last shred of sanity gone, finally collapsing on or near my bed and then staying asleep for about twelve hours. Just to wake up, enjoy my full cognitive powers for a while, and then start over. Not that that is a normal routine for me, but well, it's the holidays, and friends are coming to visit me, so events tend to transpire and lead from one to another, finally leaving me in the frame of mind thoroughly described in the previous paragraphs. And at some point this lifestyle is going to catch up to me, I realize that. But until then, I am not going to spend my time worrying about when I've reached the point of no return, or when I've gone over the edge. Because, as Hunter S. Thompson rightly said: "[T]he only people who really know where it [the edge] is are the ones who have gone over.". Which is just really fucking true. I mean I know with a fair amount of certainty that I have been close, like really fucking close to the notorious edge. But I cannot say where the edge would actually have been, and if I could I probably wouldn't be around anymore to write about it.

I think that in a certain way, we're all trying to make tiny steps towards the mystery that is the edge in order to test ourselves, to see how close we can get without going over. Which might be considered as being a stupid, and at times even a downright suicidal kind of behavior. But we all do it in our own way. Some use drugs, others sport, others fast cars or motorcycles, others violence, and yet other people use sexual perversions to get as close to where each individual perceives the edge to be. By the way, by "sexual perversions" I do mean pretty hardcore stuff, like S&M, bondage, that kind of shit. I do not however mean downright inhumane and intolerable perversions such as pedophilia or necrophilia. As to bestiality, I suppose if that's what gets you going, then go for it; just make sure that no PETA-members are near you when you do, otherwise you'll be burned at the stake. Why that is, you ask? Well, the goat did not consent to either having put a filthy penis inside of it, or to having its poor penis stuck inside of your vagina/butt. At least that's the kind of reasoning PETA-people will subject your poor ears to. So be prepared for that, and bring ear-plugs. And ask them how to make sure that the animal consents; if they can give you an actual answer to that, they might have at least acquired some good writers or actually found some pseudo-smart ecology student willing to talk to the rest of the world on their behalf in a language that people understand instead of the usual PETA mumble-jumble. But I am almost entirely confident that that will not be the case. I am not here to rant on PETA though, at least not today. What I was saying before this tangent about bestiality and PETA appeared was that we're all wanting to "live life on the fast lane" and thereby approach the edge at rapidly increasing speeds, each and every one of us in their own personal way. In the minuscule confines of our own perception of 'extremes' we all strive to reach them, we all want to be outside of boundaries in some way. Even those most people would not consider as being anywhere close to any extremes are actually already approaching their own personal edge at their own, individual pace. Which might be hard to believe, even I find it to be so, but there is some more or less solid evidence that you can see in those you would consider as non-extreme or even downright lame in your lives: In their perception of the world, they're not taking the normal and unadventurous road, but rather the exciting one that is filled with danger; in "their world", they're approaching the illustrious edge rather quickly, even if it may seem like they haven't even found the proper cardinal direction to go in yet. 

"Where is he going with this?", might be the question on your mind right now. Well, I am not entirely sure either. I've jumped from my supposedly great potential to my process to my current condition to the edge to bestiality and PETA, and finally got back to the topic of the edge. An expression for the boundary whose existence I've always been aware of that I found, as you might have guessed already, in a book written by Hunter S. Thompson. I mean I had of course heard people refer to the edge, and I had a vague clue that that might be the right word to use to describe the margin separating fun from folly, trip from psychosis, and essentially life from death, but only in Thompson's works was I able to acquire the proper depth required to understand his notion of the edge. And as soon as I had done so - understood what he meant by it - I realized that that is exactly the figurative place I had always somewhat known about but had never been sure what term I could use to label it with. "Cliff" would have been the best thing I could have come up with on the spot. And if I had actually spent much time pondering the issue I probably would have wound up using the word Edge whether I had known of HST or not. Because - as most things written by him do - the expression just fits that figurative point of no return like a boxing glove fits on the fists of Muhammad Ali. Thompson has found what I consider to be the perfect way to express his thoughts, which are quite similar to my own actually, and his writings always leave me longing for that kind of rugged perfection that never considered itself as having reached any kind of perfection yet. I want the kind of feeling elicited by being considered close to excellence by a broad audience just by doing what one enjoys doing without having to think about it a thousand times in terms of quality. I actually already have that "gift" (again, for lack of a better word) to some extent, as I had lain out earlier in this beast of a post, but not in the magnitude in which Hunter S. Thompson had it of course. Not even close, really. But well. I am still young and sure as hell do have quite a bit of ambition when it comes to developing my writing to the point mentioned above. I think I have de facto found my calling in life: Writing. I know I have approached that topic before, but it doesn't cease to amaze me: That my ramblings put into words fused into sentences might be of actual value to others. And that I might be able to get my foot in the door in the field of journalism, and of course that I have started writing a novel and will go on working on it so that I can release it in 2015 or 2016 or so. Perhaps earlier, perhaps later. But whatever I end up doing after my studies, it will definitely be something where writing will be my sole responsibility; I don't even want the big money in this aspect, I would just like to be able to write as much as I want to and/or can on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, and actually collect a paycheck, however tiny it may be, for doing so. That's all I really want out of life actually: To be able to sustain myself and my lifestyle just by writing. To have an actual cash payment in my hands proving the quality of my writing to me. Because nobody is going to pay anything for bad writing, at least that's the assumption I am operating under until proven otherwise. Let's just hope it works. I mean you don't have to, it's not like I have any faith in any of your projects succeeding; I don't even know what any of you guys' plans for the future consist of, and, as harsh as that might sound I am very sure that for the most of you, I don't even want to know. But that was just rude, wasn't it? If anyone felt insulted by this, I am actually inclined to apologize this one time, because I have just been really unfair: I mean you're the people making this all worthwhile, without you my blog would be a ghost-town with only a single spirit floating around booing at itself. A sad sight. But my snide comment above was just a conclusion drawn from statistics. My readership is very roughly composed to fifty percent of Americans and to another fifty percent of Germans. Which it is quite definitely not in reality; but for the sake of this argument, it is. Anyway. We have one in four Americans suffering from insanity, and seeing as I don't trust things "Made in the US", let's make that two in four Americans suffering from a mental illness of sorts. On the other side of the big pool we have the Germans with one out of three people suffering from a psychic problem. That figure seems a tad too low too, so let's say every one and a half persons out of three suffer from a mental problem of sorts. I have about 40 regular readers, 20 US, 20 German. Let's do some math for the first and last time on here: 2/4 = 0.5 * 20 = 10; so ten of the twenty American readers are bat-shit crazy or at least close to it. And seeing as I have adjusted the numbers for Germany a bit, it boils down to the same: 1.5/3 = 0.5 * 20 = 10. Meaning that ten of my twenty German readers are insane as well. So with twenty out of forty people reading this theoretically needing to be locked away in an asylum for the mentally-ill, how can I show any serious interest in your future projects? I mean, put yourself in my position, and then think if you would have said anything even remotely similar to what I just said. I think you would be lying to yourself if you said no altogether; you may of course disagree with me on the things I am saying or even show me that the statistics I found are completely bogus, but you'd still have to admit that you would have acted similarly on a different level so to speak, had you been in my position. 

Wow. I am not even sure if there is any sense in the above paragraph. I hope so, because if I discover that there isn't any meaning whatsoever in these deranged ramblings from a brain gone rogue on speed and sleep-deprivation, I'll have to rewrite quite a lot of words, and then this post will be delayed even further, so I really hope that these words I am typing right now will be able to stay where they are and not be subject to eradication on the morning that is bound to follow; 'bound to follow' because that's the way life goes, you can call it Karma, Ying&Yang, or just refer to Cypress Hill's "What Goes Around Comes Around", which is essentially the concept of Karma put in Rap. Anyhow. There will always be a morning following a night, just like good will be done onto you if you hath done good onto others. Trust me, I am not trying to get all preachy on you here, but these concepts hold such a fundamental truth that I feel the need to urge each and every one of you reading this to try and implement it in your own lives. It's really as easily done as it is said for once. You just have to behave like a decent human being, and that's the way most others will behave towards you. I mean, there are always going to be a few assholes wherever you go but you should not make their behavior affect yours negatively, and rather have it do the opposite: Continue being polite to everyone, be even more so than usually, and think of aforementioned assholes when you want to do something that you know to be wrong/immoral/bad to do, and then remind yourself that you have no reason whatsoever to stoop to their level. Their level being the kind of cheap stupid thrill people seem to get out of violence and asshole-behavior nowadays; even more so than the ancient Romans used to actually. A level that most of the country, hell, the entire fucking world has been devolving towards. Which is unfortunate, really. So many potential readers lost in the works of a system that will grind them down to small conforming shells of their former personalities without any form of individual identity. And are then left with a feeling of great emptiness inside their chests whenever the TV-set is turned off and the world stops giving a shit about the things these parasitic clones brainwashed by oppressive governments wanting to do what the fuck they want without having to ask a congress or god forbid the citizens are actually made of, which basically amounts to nothing at all: Assholes looking for weaker assholes that they can get in a cocky arguments with that ultimately lead to fist-fights that are of no use to anyone but these guys' egos. And even these egos have no real use for the feeling of superiority achieved by winning a fight anymore, seeing as they have long ago been caved out by parental abuse and inferiority complexes. Either of the two actually, not necessarily both, and possibly something different altogether. All options are quite hard, but we all know that that's the way shit goes down in the real world: You work hard, you study hard, you take on usually unpaid internships, you learn about "real work" in a "real office", and finally you'll wind up being the doormat of some corporate plug that was born with a gold-plated diamond spoon in his filthy rich and spoiled mouth. And if you dare complaining about his utter lack of social skills and decent behavior, that will be the longest you have worked for that company. They [the corporations] don't like people that cause trouble, they don't want actual thinkers. Not even in the highest management levels anymore. The companies pay some experts to take care of all the things that managers used to take care of. And then the managers themselves are left with a few coordinating tasks that do not require any thought whatsoever: The retarded love-child of a donkey with down syndrome and an ape having literally shit instead of brains could do the jobs I have seen managers being appointed for these days. Which just proves my point: Most corporations are not looking for anyone that has the ability to think on their feet and/or be creative anymore, but rather for a clone, a robotic parody of a human being only designed to take and complete orders. Of course there are managers still in need of doing their job and being creative whilst doing so, but their numbers are rapidly receding. This indicates quite clearly that the cold business world that was never really my favorite place on the industrial checkerboard that is the economy has now completely ruined my faith in anything related to companies and corporations, meaning that I will definitely have to get some job in which I can really just stick to writing; I need the kind of job I had already indicated my affinity for earlier. I mean, I actually need it! I cannot go on for three years studying business if I can't live out my passion for writing in the meantime. 

Hah. I should probably have gone to writing/journalism/creative classes instead of opting for the safe choice of studying business first to have some sort of base that I can build my future career, in whatever field that may be on. But well, usually the safe bet is the best bet, so it might turn out as an advantage for me being safely enrolled in something that will lead to me having a diploma which is internationally recognized and enables me to find a decently paying job to make ends meet. At least that's the plan. I hope to seriously get into either my novel or journalism before that point in time arrives though, seeing as I'd already have an occupation then that could get me some sort of paycheck and that has the additional bonus of not revolving around me sitting at a fancy desk wearing a tight-ass suit that does not even leave enough room for the boys to hang, if you catch my drift. I just fucking hate dressing like a goddamned penguin with the sole purpose of looking socially acceptable to people I have nothing in common with whatsoever. What's the problem with a slightly sagged pair of jeans, a t- or khaki-shirt, and a good old pair of sneakers from Nike, AND1 or similar brands. Not Adidas though, I have for some inexplicable reason always disliked Adidas clothing, especially when compared to its Nike counter-parts. The cause for my disliking of Adidas is probably my predilection for Nike products that has been prevalent in me for almost a decade now without any reasons based on any logic whatsoever. The Nike-swoosh is just way cooler than the Adidas-stripes can ever hope to be. But that's just my opinion and completely irrelevant, as I feel pretty much everything I am going to type from hereon will be.

So I am putting a stop to this now gargantuan beast of a post that somehow turned out to be of almost 4600 words in length now already. I don't know how that happened to be honest. I sat down looking at about 700 words. What ensued then is what I remember as a myriad of scenes just flashing in front of my intensely exhausted eyes from the dreaded hours past; and after that I was staring at about 4200 words of text. I have no idea in hell how my exasperated and by now thoroughly used up body still awake from last night managed to actually compose such a long entry without having it turn to complete gibberish or completely detaching itself from a golden thread that might actually not even be existent here. But if it is, I have definitely not detached the rest of the text entirely from it albeit of course straying from the general path laid out by said thread a little bit every now and then. But well, given my still quite heavily altered state of mind I think that this might actually make for an interesting read, or maybe at least show you how morbidly weird thought patterns can get with a long enough lack of sleep and a large enough concentration of chemical stimulants in the blood-stream. It can be quite confusing to those having never partaken in any form of use of an "illegal" substance (I do not think that anyone has the right to label a substance that will only harm those who willingly take it as illegal, hence the quotes around that filthy word), but I trust that it offered you a direct albeit possibly bewildering insight into the frame of mind of someone under the influence of an essentially dirty and for some reason also magnetic stimulant (yep, you cannot use a credit card to dry and align Speed - it will fuck up the card's magnetic stripe and make it completely unusable). 

Anyway. I have already said before that no more good will come out of my continuous typing, and yet I went on to write a whole new paragraph filled with semi-usable info about the creation of this post and Speed. 
Well, I hope you have been entertained, shocked, insulted, excited, angered, amused, bewildered, or simply informed, or all, or none of the here-mentioned by this truly gigantic post. Whichever emotion it was, I am just glad to elicit any kind of feeling in audiences, seeing as that proves that I have reached these people in some way, to some extent. In this light, I'll leave you be, and as always, share some great music with you:

James Brown - It's a man's world 
-> Ah. James Brown. Great musician with a grand voice from somewhere out of space. And well, this is one of his most famous songs, but that's not the reason for its appearance here. Not even the message is the actual reason for it either. No, this song is here because I just watched "Smoking Aces 2" and it is featured in a scene there. And that somehow elicited a goose-bumpy feeling in my groin, which made me borderline anxious to put it up here. But regardless of the reason, this song is just fucking awesome, so... Enjoy!

Warren Zevon - Wanted Dead Or Alive 
-> Well, I've just recently discovered Warren Zevon and his music, but I have to say that I fiercely enjoy it and will therefore be posting a couple of his songs on here every now and then. And well, I really like "Californication"; I idolize Hunter S. Thompson; and I have always been fond of guitar-based music anyway, meaning that this song really speaks to me on a number of levels and therefore needed featuring on here, so... Enjoy!

Warren Zevon - Mr. Bad Example 
-> As I just said, I've grown to really enjoy this guy's music, and this song is just too grand for words... A self-designated asshole spouting filthy words to live by if being infamous is what you thrive for. And well, all in all this is just a great piece of classic American music, so... Enjoy!

Pegboard Nerds - Frainbreeze 
-> Well here we go again, the second time Pegboard Nerds are on here, and, hell, they deserve to be! Nice atmospheric intro that already hints at the ensuing awesomeness and is rounded up by a great drop that remains in a melodic, glitch-y kind of realm which I really enjoy! All in all a great song with some nice rhythm and melody combined using heavy drops infused into a three and a half minute long piece of greatness that is just, well, great, so... Enjoy!

Spag Heddy - Still Raggamuffin (feat. dESH) 
-> OH HELL FUCKING YES!! This is so fucking awesome I once again lack the words to describe it properly! I've featured Spag Heddy on here before I am sure, but I have not ever heard any genre-crossing by them yet, and I have to say that I am very impressed. To say the least actually. This is so fucking grand, I can't even begin to stop being insanely enthusiastic about it! Amazing vocals, crazy-ass drops, and an overall timeless piece of incredible music, so... Enjoy!

Nature One Inc - The Golden Twenty (Jerome's Official Anthem Mix) 
-> I WAS THERE! IT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME! I do not have the words to describe how amazing it was to be there! I already attended last year, but this time we had planned everything out much better and were not as ill-prepared as we had been the year before, so it was even more enthralling than it was back then! And well, this is not the anthem I was looking for, but it's still up to par and manages to reflect the goose-bump-inducing awesomeness that is Nature One quite well, so... Enjoy!

Wu-Tang Clan - Gravel Pit
-> Such a great classic track, how could I have forgotten about posting it on here until now? I don't know. What I do know though is that this song is fucking awesome, the video is funny as hell, and well I love Wu-Tang anyway, so... Enjoy!

Snoop Dogg - Ain't No Fun (feat. Nate Dogg, Warren G, Kurupt) 
-> Tha Dogg Pound has always been making superior funk-influenced gangster rap, and this song is by no means an exception. Some of the best MCs of the time getting together on a funky-ass beat on one of the great classic rap albums of all time to create a great track that delivers the very essence of pimp prevalent in west-coast rap back in the day. Can't believe I hadn't put this up here before, it's one of my favorite songs ever come to think of it, so... Enjoy!

Busta Rhymes - Break Ya Neck 
-> Another one of these songs that I cannot believe haven't been put up on here yet. I mean, this is like THE classic Busta Rhymes track. And I have neglected it until today. That is sad actually. But anyway, this tune is so fucking awesome and raw; Busta is one of the ill-est MCs out there, and his former style which is still prevalent in this piece of musical genius was so grand, he really brought rap to another level, so... Enjoy!

Well, it took an eternity for this post to appear on the internet once again, and I have to apologize for this. I typed it in the middle of a speed-frenzied night and could not for the life of me remember half of what I wrote the next morning, so I wanted to re-read the whole thing before posting it. And I still had to add music to it as well, plus the entire process was halted by the Nature One festival for a couple of days, meaning that I was unable to finish it off until today. But it's done now. I am unsure about its quality and the depth of its content, but I think it is as always adequate. At least I hope that it is.
I just hope that this entry is enjoyable to you in spite of the many erratic and jumpy lines of thought barely having any actual logical adjacency present throughout the entire thing.


Peace!

"Better watch out, 'cause I'm the assassin"

are the words that Bruce Dickinson is screaming at me through my 6-inch sub-woofer and 2-inch speakers as I am writing this post. 
And I just deleted about 450 words that stood here simply because it got to a point of being barely understandable to myself the next morning. Which is why I decided to not continue or god forbid publish that god-awful mess I had created and start anew. Normally I would just dump that kind of rambling on you and expect you to make sense of it, but I was so displeased with the way I had portrayed things in those now lost sentences that I could not bring myself to actually go on working on them. Hence the deletion. Anyway, it is not like I am keeping some grand literary creation from you, no, I am just protecting you from really really bad and disorganized writing with weird to no real points being made. But seeing as these words will never reappear again, there is no real point in talking about them here either, so I will now go on with this post.

I am unsure if I'll be able to find a good topic today though, my last post was not that long ago and my inspiration seems to have been drained by it a little to be honest. Plus I've actually started to work on a "trial novel" so to say, which is proving to be quite time consuming and taking a lot of my energy and creativity. But I am not going to forget you guys, and so I decided to sit down today and not work on aforementioned novel for a while but write this entry and vent a little about something that still needs figuring out. 
I have to say though that when I started writing this blog I thought I had a lot more to say and could go on easily filling pages for ever and ever, but it is actually getting harder to find themes to wrap my words around than it used to be. Then again I may just not be in the mood right now or something like that, but I doubt it to be honest, as I've outlined in an earlier post it is usually a bad mood that induces the best kinds of creative outputs. And I am not in a bad mood. But maybe a bad mood to write? Is there such a thing? I don't know where one could find that out and am too lazy to skim through the masses of articles and essays debating the existence of a writers block, I've read too many of those in the past half year. Yet I am still not able to form my own opinion on the subject and can not for the life of me figure out how to figure it out and it's driving me a little crazy. Just a little though. It's not like a dominant nuisance within my existence, just a little speck that keeps nudging me every now and then when I am wondering why I sometimes feel able and sometimes unable to produce nicely formulated sentences that have more meaning than mere mundane statements barely resembling coherent lines of thought. I am quite puzzled by this to say the least, and am at some point at some time going to get to the bottom of it, but in all likelihood not today and not anytime soon, but as soon as I do I will publish the results here and revolutionize writing forever. Or maybe I'll just forget about it. 
Either way, this is definitely something that has somewhat peaked my interest these past weeks but I have never had so little inspiration that I actually included it in a post. Well, today I have apparently reached a new low, and so the paragraph above here came into being. What can I say, shit tends to happen. The self-loathing is not as strong in me as it may appear to be in these sentences though, I am just setting ridiculously high standards and expectations for myself that I have so far not be able to reach in any form or shape. Which is good, because it means that I am always striving for further excellence and have not exhausted my full potential quite yet. Perhaps I never will, but perhaps I won't even have to, but who knows. Nobody knows... Nobody knows but me... Anyone remember that song? Is that even a song? But whatever, back to topic. Well that actually kind of says it all doesn't it, nobody knows and no-one could possibly know and that's the great adventure blah blah blah. I mean come on. We all know what would follow if I went down that road, essentially non-sense about life being a journey with an unknown end and life being the mean to get there that should be exploited to its fullest extent because the journey that is the mean is in itself the end and so on and so forth. And that is not the least bit satisfying to read or write because it doesn't hold any existential answers with substantial potential to enrich you, your life, or your way of thinking. 

So I'm not touching that topic with a ten-foot pole today. Instead I'll focus on something different alltogether. What I intend to center my focus on this time is the issue of mental stability, normality, and the so-called abnormality that is often treated with dangerously lethal and mind-altering pharmaceutical poison. I am not saying that people with psychoses or similar problems should not be receiving medication, I am not saying that these diseases are not completely real. All that I am saying is that there is a line that is rather thin between simply not being the way one is expected to be and actually being insane in the membrane. I mean, this is especially an issue when you're using psychoactive substances as part of your life-style, the assumption is automatically that you must be deranged and your brain destroyed by drugs. And that you need more drugs to "get better" again. Isn't that bullshit? And isn't it equally nonsensical that once you get busted with such substances, you get the choice of getting locked up in jail with rapists and murderers, or getting locked up in therapy with criminally insane rapists and murderers? That we have sunk so fucking low is just mind-boggling to me. I have touched on the problems created by prohibition before, I know, but this aspect of it occurred to me again today and did so with such intensity that I really felt compelled to write about it. So, let's get back to it then, shall we? Let us take an example to illustrate: A friend of mine is a completely healthy and normal young adult, he has finished his education and was about to start working at a company making money and so on, his life was developing quite nicely. Along came the state and its repressive executive organs, and found a couple of magic truffles (yeah, truffles, like the ones that grow in any forest in Central Europe) and a few grams of grass (yeah, the wild-growing weed). And now my friend is in a therapy where he doesn't belong with criminally insane assholes, with the therapists trying to force-feed him insanely hard medication that I myself have tried. Trying this shit made me realize how fucked up the entire system is, it was harder than most illegal drugs I have tried so far, and completely debased my inner make-up, changing my entire personality for a couple of days. No illegal narcotic has ever done anything even similarly gruesome to my psyche. So why the fuck are we still relying on this system?

Well, the explanation to this is much more logical than I would like to admit. There is a percentage of people in these therapies who are there because their excessive drug abuse has cause their psychological make-up to derail and in these cases aforementioned "medicine" is actually use- and helpful. The problem here is that those there because of penalties of the prohibition are thrown into the same pot with those described before, which causes normal people who've enjoyed psychoactive substances and simply got caught to be turned into dulled zombies because of the drugs they were giving, turning their brains to mush much more than illegal substances ever could. And that is what's wrong with the entire concept, and would be easily avoidable, like so many things, by the legalization of such substances. Then these institutions would be filled with people actually needing help and perhaps even pills in order to get in touch with their inner-self and achieve a feeling of mental stability once again.
But of course not, because drugs are bad, and doing drugs would be bad, and you wouldn't want to be bad by doing drugs, 'cause that would be bad, mkay? Gotta love South Park. But I am once again getting off track.
The vital point I want to get across though is that the prohibition of psychoactive recreation-enhancers is once again proving to be more harmful to those partaking in such pastimes than the substances themselves, making the entire assumption that such a system would protect the citizens and minimize possible harm being inflicted to them fallacious. I do realize that I have made this point before, but I feel the need to emphasize it constantly because most people seem to still be stuck in the 30s-thinking that Weed=Heroin=LSD, which in 2014 is just a sign of incredible backwardness and inability to adapt and think outside the box, and it is just sad to see just how many people, and especially people in power still think this way. I mean we're seeing such powerful movements, such intelligent and well-respected people speaking up for either marijuana or other drugs and their legalization, and still the corrupted and greedy governments controlled, among others, by powerful pharmaceutical industries are still unwilling to give in and finally listen to the anguished cries of wrongfully criminalized citizens. "Controlled" - by that I don't mean an evil illuminati-like secret puppet-master pulling the strings of all governments, but rather that most political parties' campaigns and other funding is 'sponsored' by various large industrial and financial players, meaning that they have a very high amount of influence on the politicians' doing within the party, and therefore also on the world-leaders seeing as no party without substantial 'sponsoring' ever won any elections, or very rarely to say the least. And that is the problem in any so-called modern-day 'democracy'. The word in itself is composed of the ancient Greek "demos", which means as much as "common people", and "kratos", which essentially translate to "rule". So it can be translated as "the ruling of the common people", meaning that the citizens themselves should be empowered and the representative government should enforce their wants and protect them from harm. But the will of the common folk is too often, almost exclusively overlooked and undermined by those in power, and the will of the small percentage of industrial corporate giants with enough spare cash is too often enforced and adapted. 
Which once again leads us to the root of all evil: Money. It's impossible to opt out of the monetary system and maintain a standard of living worthy of a dignified human being, but it's at the same time the exact same system that corrupts and destroys our integrity from inside, slowly turning us into something worse than any junkie, always chasing for the next dollar and striving for the highest possible accumulation of wealth imaginable, until we realize the emptiness and shallow instability in our life, but at that point it's too late. And well, to quote Snoop Lion: "Money makes a man, and that's a crime/ If we all were rich we'd spent more time/". Not to rehash his words, but this sentence holds a lot of truth. If we didn't have the constant pressure of maintaining a certain amount of valuable assets in our life, we would spend much more time focusing on learning, loving, laughing, and simply living. We could get out of the hassle of worrying about paying bills and simply indulge in life to the fullest extent, take time to cherish those we love. But that is unfortunately an utopian fantasy for obvious and unfortunately very logical reasons. Unless we'd go back to simple trading, like a watch for three hams or something like that. But then again, we would need to define which item is worth which other item(s), and for that we'd need some sort of centralized institution to regulate the exchange rates, and we'd back to an abuse-able and possibly corrupt-able system, which is what we were trying to avoid in the first place. It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? But well, if we can't change it we can at least use it for our own purposes and defy its laws by working within to be able to live outside. And I know that I have said the exact same thing before, but I could not think of a better way to formulate it, and since I am reopening a topic anyway I can also plagiarize my own works. And fuck quoting, my words are mine to use and re-use as often as it pleases me. 

But it is getting somewhat late, and I will in all likelihood go to the first lectures I have in the morning. Plus I know for sure that I will have a hard time falling asleep today, so I am really considering at least lying down pretty soon in order to trick my body into sleep-mode. Or I'll just lay awake for a few hours before I fall into a somewhat psychotic half-sleep that leaves me drifting in- and out of actual dreams, which is not even remotely relaxing, but a dreadful and in itself tiring experience that usually leaves me with close to no power and motivation the next day, and is something I should definitely avoid. And seeing as I have prepared enough smoke-able material I am really hoping to be fine this time, and retain the ability of functioning properly the next day so that I can attend all lectures. 
Although I really have to say that attending an English lesson in an all English study seems kind of silly to me, I mean, proper command of the English language should be a requirement for international studies whose sole teaching language is in fact English. But this is not the first time I have been annoyed by English classes, I have always had a certain aversion towards them, mainly due to the fact that I could not be bothered with doing anything but still maintained an almost perfect grade which really really pissed my teachers off. Because they couldn't let me fail but couldn't get me to participate the way they wanted to either. It was quite fun for me actually in retrospect, but I remember that during the times themselves I was thoroughly pissed by this and just wanted English lessons to disappear from my life forever. I mean, I obviously enjoyed creative or essay writing, but there were almost always boundaries or themes to adhere to which really took the wind out of my sails. But I usually managed to skirt around these 'rules' and create something well-written but subliminally offensive to the teacher. Still, I am usually more than annoyed by to me nonsensical English lessons that always seem to take place in whatever level of education I happen to be. And that is fucking displeasing. I do not want to demean all English lessons though, e.g. the correct format for specific types of letters and similar things are topics simply necessary to be learned and do not come naturally. But things like grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation come easily to me, I have never ever had to learn any grammar rules or anything like that. I just feel the way the words need to be, and it's this way for all languages I speak. I mean of course for a completely new language I need to have a look at basic sentences and the likes in order to get a feeling for it, i.e. for Chinese. But once I got that feeling for the prose of the language and the way it needs to be used I am able to formulate proper sentences without learning any further rules.
It's always been like this. For mathematics and things based on it the exact opposite applies though. I mean I get the logic behind the exercises, but I can for the life of me not figure out formulas, can not calculate in my head, and am completely useless for all tasks that require complex computations. Well, it's always Ying&Yang, up and down, and a balance of power as the British would put it, so if there are a number of things that one excels at there is an equal number of things one, put rakishly, quite simply sucks at. And that's life, many great philosophers have already said and formulated it, but I'll stick to the words of Mick Jagger: "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need", which quite simply sums up the way life goes. What you want is not always what you'll get, sometimes you'll get the exact opposite, but you'll usually get by and get what you need to, well, get by.

And this pretty much concludes this post, which once again turned out to be quite long. I am getting more and more fond of writing for an eternity and just letting my thoughts go, because I am no longer in real need of thinking about proper ways to formulate delicately as I did in the beginning, I now have an approximate idea of what I can write and how, I have gotten a certain feeling (in italic because I have to emphasize that it's a subjective emotion exclusively felt by me at least in this moment and in my near surroundings. I do realize I can not possibly be the only person thinking that, but for the sake of this entry I am) about my writings on here and am now at relative ease when composing a post, meaning that my mind is no longer hung up on finding nice metaphors and similes or words or formulations, but rather focused on creating content on a certain level, leading to hopefully even more enjoyable texts for you. But then again I have never published anything that I did not think of as being of adequately high quality, so the difference may not be as noticeable whilst reading, but whilst writing it most definitely is. Anyway, I am getting lost in ramblings once again, and will now (finally) leave you be with some music to enjoy:

Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle
-> Wow, I can not believe I didn't feature this classic on here yet! And to all of you naive souls with not enough musical knowledge out there: No, this is not a Cat Stevens song. This is a beautiful and deep track by Harry Chapin, and somewhat relates to the tangent about money and its time-consumption somewhere above, seeing as with the dough out of the picture the whole story would have been quite different. Anyway, great, meaningful and simply dazzling tune... Enjoy!

Black Label Society - Fire It Up
-> Another great song that has not quite stood the test of time like the one featured above yet, but still is a great tune. Gotta love Zakk Wylde and the guys, Black Label Society had always had a certain outlaw kind of flair, and that coupled with their awesome Heavy Metal music just makes them irresistible to me, meaning that I had to share this song with you, so... Enjoy!

Snoop Lion - No Guns Allowed (feat. Cori B. & Drake)
-> First off let me start by saying that I thoroughly despise Drake as a rapper and probably also as a person although I can't say that with certainty. I mean, yeah his flow is somewhat 'special' and yeah he is on time unlike many may claim in this song, but he just doesn't deliver the emotions and rhythmic variations that this track so clearly offers, and that's just bad to say the least. But secondly, I want to say how fucking great this song is. I don't give a fuck about questions of Snoop's authenticity in this case, I don't give a fuck about it being mainstream and way too well-known. No, this is one powerful piece of beautifully sad music coupled with a deep message that America should definitely start wrapping its ugly head around. But leaving all preaching aside, this song is really chill and amazingly melodious, so... Enjoy!

Ice Cube - Today Was A Good Day
-> I did not feature this song yet? Did I just miss that whilst skimming through my blog right now or did I actually not put this song on here yet? Shame on me! This song is so old-school and awesome, just describes the rough realities of a poverty-stricken part of the population but in an essentially funny or at least ironic way. By portraying mundane or simply 'normal' things for the middle- and upper-class citizens as being the requirements for the day being good where Ice Cube is from, he shows the social inequalities and lack of perspective and law there. And the song itself is really really chill, I simply love sparking up to it, so do the same and... Enjoy!

2Pac feat. Snoop Dogg - 2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted 
-> Such a classic and epic collaboration of two of the biggest MCs that Hip Hop of the early nineties had to offer, it needed featuring here and I am again disappointed with myself for not having put it up here earlier! Starting with blatant disrespect to Biggie, and continuing to one of the most awesome, funky, and simply cool tracks. Really a gem I stumbled upon, should have been here already, but well it is now, so... Enjoy!

Flux Pavilion - Dropkick
-> This is apparently a rip from a set that Flux and N'Type played for the Rinse.FM radio station. And as you know I adore Flux Pavilion's music anyway, so I had to put this on here as soon as I found it, this drop, this nicely melodic yet fucking heavy bass-sound prevalent throughout most parts of this rather short, but notwithstanding extremely awesome song is just too great to be put into mere words, so... Enjoy!

As said before, this post turned out to be almost as long as the last one, which was not intended but nice to see nevertheless. I was actually planning to release it while it was still March, but well, April happened all of a sudden and now it's the first post for it, which is not necessarily a bad thing but was not my intention meaning that I am kind of grumpy right now. And by the way, quick word about April's Fools: Fucking stop it. 98% of these pranks are not even remotely funny, most of them extremely annoying and nerve-rattling, and some of them even downright dangerous, so please for fuck's sake leave it be. Just one year of peaceful silence and no nuisances on the first of April would be nice. That's all I'm asking for. 

Peace!

Yeah, I know

it's been some time again since my last post. But I'm busy! I was in Amsterdam yesterday, need to prepare tons of meaningless shit for university, and am also quite keen on being immersed in my social and love life, making the whole posting regularly thing kind of hard to do at times. I try to do my best though. So I've decided to use this Saturday to create another series of random words fused into a long rambling consisting of weird thoughts, just for you.

So, this might end up as being rather dull actually, seeing as I am only half awake, almost dozing off, and typing this in an opiate-like trance of blissful ignorance of everything happening around me at this time.

God, I could use a good speed frenzy right now. Frantic and erratic bursts of usable babbling would probably be a great starting point for a new "Food For Thought" segment, or maybe a novel, or something. Or nothing at all. At least it'd be feeling like it were something though, and I'd be energetic enough to actually put some productive and relevant words in logic adjacency on paper.
Instead I am just sitting here, slowly typing away on my laptop whilst staring at my wall bearing a "Pulp Fiction" poster, and thinking about... nothing. Like literally, there is a great empty void filling my frontal lobe, a void for which I lack the vocabulary, or rather for which language lacks the words needed to describe it properly without using a great deal of synonyms for "nothingness" and sounding like some transcendental wannabe guru asshole who's just out for whatever amount of cash your eternal soul is worth to you. So I'm just not going to characterize, classify, or even mention aforementioned emptiness (again).

Nope, forget it. This is not going to turn out to be one of those oh-so-deep, but in the end meaningless, pieces about the "white page", the infamous "writer's block", which in my opinion just describes the brief moments in which sobriety becomes so blatantly present that no further literary excrement is produced until the brain has returned to its normal, lucid state of dream-like consciousness needed for real writing, no, this is going to be a normal-ass blog entry, in which I'm, as usually, not actually going to be talking about anything relevant or interesting. I just got my soda out of the freezer, and it hasn't burst yet, which is nice. Cold soda. Cold. Soda. C. S. CS. Counter Strike. Coca-Cola and other soft-drink manufacturers are pushing 'killer video games' on kids, alert the fucking presses, biggest cover-up since 9/11 discovered! Meh, I don't know where I'm actually going with this... could go into anti-America slurs, talk about the idiocy of most conspiracy theorists, or even rehash the by what feels like a century now old debate about the alleged dangers of video games.
But would you really be interested in hearing any of that? Probably. But am I really going to write about any of that? Probably not. At least not now. Too demanding, too much coherent thought required. Not what I want to do right now.

What I actually would like to share with you today has no relation whatsoever to any of these topics. Because I don't actually know what I want to share with you today, I feel like I've essentially used up all lessons I have to give. Well that's not true either. If I had already given each and every lesson I had wanted to, and to the people that are in desperate need of them, the world would be a much better place by now. A veritable utopia, based on my Swiss-cheese-resembling brain and the jangled outputs of randomized thoughts that it emits from time to time.
Could you imagine? Wouldn't that be awesome, a few billion people striving to keep themselves happy whilst not constricting others rights to do so?
Actually, I think it wouldn't be all bad. After all, I am mostly too peaceful and lazy to do anything even remotely harmful to others. And wouldn't it be great to see all people act like they were actual born with a brain and learned to used it? Aren't we at the top of the fucking food chain for that exact reason? Although I know this to be true, it seems like we have become too comfortable in that position and have therefore started to devolve. No one is using the little frontal lobe capacity they have left, but everyone seems to think they are, resulting in tons of mental bullshit being spread like an airborne virus throughout our atmosphere, infecting mind and body of everyone affected, making those susceptible to lies even dumber and annoying those with enough intellectual strength to resist it up to the point of throwing social interaction overboard in order to escape it.

And yes, I'm back at my favorite topic: society and its many, many faults. But why the fuck not? It's always been the one prevalent annoyance throughout my life. The heavily weighing kilograms of piled up crap on my shoulders, put there by dogmas and expectations, rules and regulations, and most of all by the ever-increasing, omnipresent stupidity of mankind, is dragging me down into an abyss filled with the mangled corpses of morale and justice that have been violently raped and disfigured prior to their execution.
Of course there's all that crap about the light at the end of the tunnel, the equally omnipresent hope residing within each and every one of us, the great salvation that will make us all feel high in the end, but isn't all that really just an excuse used to perpetuate the status quo? And why the fuck should I have to wait until people decide to finally become what I perceive as normal? Until they develop some sort of common sense, of morale? No way in hell is that happening.
Which is why I have decided long ago to stop giving a shit about society, and focus on myself and those that matter to me, e.g. my girlfriend, my friends, and my family.
And yeah, I do think that respecting those I meet, trying to help those in need, and freeing those in chains are all equivalently important values to uphold, but that does not mean that I will start putting up with, even paying attention to, or god forbid caring about all and any issues arising from the stupidity of fellow man, as egoistically fucked up as that may sound to some, but it's just not worth my god damn time.

But I'm getting off the non-existing topic. And just realized that I could easily have used above material for the next "Food For Thought". But I'll find something else to talk about, don't worry, I'm not done annoying you with my ramblings quite yet. Notwithstanding I have to admit that it does get hard to actually sit down and write something down lately, I feel a little worn out, like an old whores' uterus. Maybe not quite as worn out as that, but you get the picture, it might be the lack of misery in my personal life lately, but my scope of thoughts on topics seems to have narrowed. I find myself more passively accepting utterances made in my surroundings in lieu of questioning and defying every syllable. But as I said, it's probably due to the fact that I am not exposed to many potentially aggravating subjects latterly, and also due to my happiness which makes most things I encounter shine in a neutral, or even downright positive light.

Wrapping this entry up, I think it's safe to say that I have just spent an entire day typing essentially 1300 words of meaninglessness, or of mediocre meaningfulness at best. But perhaps I also just lack the self-esteem to assess my own works. Whichever one it happens to be, it doesn't really matter. I am just enjoying having a medium in which I can express myself publicly in the only way I ever could: using words.
Beautiful, carefully selected, marvelously intangible, yet blatantly real words, arranged in sentences and paragraphs, brought together by intellect, and fused by characters, resulting in the ultimate self-revelation to an anonymous audience. It's almost sensual. I've never realized just how much I actually enjoy the art of writing, albeit not being entirely proficient at it. But I try, and do believe that certain improvements in style have been noticeable since the creation of this blog. Anyway, that's all I got for today.

I hope you enjoyed this rather random rancid rambling, and maybe were able to extract a few things to take away from it.

In that light, and with some music, I'll leave you be for now:

Bruno Mars feat. Damian Marley - Liquor Store Blues
-> although I would usually consider this song as being a little to charts-like for my liking, it is a great tune, we've all got our personal little 'liquor store blues' story and can all relate to the feelings being expressed in this track, and it does express those emotions nicely without getting depressing... Enjoy! :)

Brent Sinatra - Hit U
-> no idea how to classify this, the beat sounds Hip Hop, but has electronic components in it definitely not indigenous to the genre, and the guitar part later on also defies any attempt of sorting into a specific genre, but this track is overall genius, I really like it, so... Enjoy! :)

Guns'n'Roses - Live And Let Die
-> this is the Guns'n'Roses cover of the famous Paul and Linda McCartney song made for the Bond Movie of the same name, at which point I have to say that the old Bond movies were way way better than any new one will ever be, especially with a blonde(!) James, I mean what the fuck are you people thinking? Anyway, great song, and at least equivalent cover...Enjoy! :)

Three 6 Mafia - Hard Out Here For A Pimp
-> from the Hustle&Flow soundtrack, which is a classic movie that is relevant enough for you to be bitch-slapped should you not have seen it yet! And the song itself is also really awesome, and even more so when connecting it to aforementioned movie! So, go watch the movie, listen to this great track, and... Enjoy! :)

Koven - Another Home
-> Ok, we can all agree that the music "video" is cheap and essentially completely unworthy of referring to itself as such. But besides that, the song is really great, melodically amazing dubstep, Koven is a really talented and original artist, so if you really like this why not invest a little in the upcoming release? Just a thought, I know you can as well just download it for free, but nevertheless... Enjoy! :)

Hopsin - Nocturnal Rainbows
-> I have linked to Hopsin previously, to "Sag My Pants" if I recall correctly. This song is a lot darker and almost depressing compared to aforementioned previous linked track, but holds some essential truths, some speculated, borderline conspiracy-related thoughts, and in general some deep insights about society and the world, somewhat related to some of the points outlined in one of the many paragraphs above. Anyway... Enjoy! :)

So, a bit on the "dark side" again with this post, but hopefully it was nonetheless enjoyable to you! :)

Peace!