About Me

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I am a dedicated and ambitious aspiring freelance journalist, blogger, and writer. My main asset is my international background - I was born in Germany, then moved to France, and proceeded to grow up in China - and the cultural open-mindedness inherent to such a life story. I specialize in opinion pieces, but am also well-versed in travel/event reporting, and writing general news stories. I blog regularly on my two pages, and have contributed to multiple online publications, including Gonzo Today, a web page dedicated to Hunter S. Thompson's "gonzo" journalism and his legacy. If you have any writing needs, I am the right person to talk to! I will be able to match the tone and style you desire, will work overtime to make you happy, and will deliver high quality content. You can find me on Facebook and LinkedIn as "Mark Linnhoefer", and on Twitter as "@markalinnhoefer". For work proposals please feel free to use the contact form on either of my blogs!

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Why, oh why

can't I just stick to a fucking deadline? Well in the case of this post I have to say that I was so extremely busy with renovating and moving into my new flat that I literally did not even have the time to sit down and open my laptop the last week, making writing a post on an online platform such as Blogger quite impossible to do. Especially when carrying a cupboard up to the fourth floor. Which is the only real disadvantage that this move brings with itself. Otherwise the place is bigger, cheaper, and even closer to the train-station than my last flat, meaning that I can now sleep longer in the morning which suits my lazy lifestyle quite well. Plus we don't really have neighbors yet due to the fact that we were the first to rent an apartment in this house after it had been renovated, which means that we can essentially turn our music all the way up at any given time of day for the time being. Not that we're actually taking advantage of that fact though - I just fall into bed at night exhausted and fully drained of any energy by the carrying, painting, arranging, etc., meaning that I would be the main counter-force to any form of high-volume audio disturbance in the evening. Hm. Being physically active all day every day is really something I am not even remotely used to to be honest, and I can not for the life of me figure out how some people can say they enjoy that. At the end of the day I am literally dragging myself up the stairs, panting and sweating like a pig, unable to draw any oxygen from the air I am breathing and therefore on the brink of collapse. Which is also obviously because of my lifestyle, but physical activity is not helping in the least. I should probably go and see a doctor at some point, but well I figure that if my body withstood what I put it through so far it will be able to handle what's going to come as well. At least that's what I like to think. But I am getting off track as always, my original topic was my inability to stick to deadlines, but I think I've kind of exhausted that topic earlier already. I mean you know me well enough by now to realize that the rigidity of deadlines and regulations simply does not fit my personality. At all. But yeah, deadlines are useful and needed every now and then, so I am setting some for myself and albeit not even slightly adhering to them I am feeling a little guilty by doing so, especially since I enjoy writing these posts and entertaining you guys and gals. And for good or worse I will continue trying to stick to my own deadlines when it comes to doing so. Well. These words sound all well and nice, but the fact of the matter unfortunately is that I am already a week behind my regular posting time and not even close to having finished or even thought of a topic for this entry. Although I do have very good and very real reasons for it this time, seeing as as much as I would like to I cannot put real life on hold in order to go about writing, or "blogging" as this medium is commonly referred to. 

I have never actually seen myself as a 'blogger' per se. I mean actual bloggers do research, prepare their posts and have schemes and strategies to attract new readers; these people have a well thought-out concept for their blogs. Whereas I only have a non-customized Google template and my ramblings to rely on. Come to think of it, I would much rather define myself as a voice of common sense lurking in the backlands of the internet, patiently waiting for the day that common sense is actually common again. Or as a psychotic wanna-be writer pandering to an equally psychotic audience that in reality is only a product of my deranged imagination. Or something somewhere in the middle of both. It actually doesn't matter, does it? Whatever I define my babbling here to be, there will be another, contradictory and probably better definition out there, so why bother? Plus I am not a big fan of categorizing art anyway. For me it somewhat defies the feelig of freedom and personal expression that all forms of art elicit to try and put labels on it. Takes away the essence. Imagine you're buying a novel, and it says "crime story" on it - you instantly have a certain image floating in your head, a certain expectation towards the book; your focus is turned to the "crime" elements of the story. The same exact manuscript could in all likelihood also be sold as a Thriller, an adventure story, or in extreme cases even as a love story. And you'd be focusing on entirely different aspects of the exact same thing, never realizing the core of what the artist was trying to convey. Furthermore these labels have a somber 1984-feeling to them, but that's probably just my paranoia that comes with almost two days of sleeplessness. Still. Ultimate control of the minds is what all forms of art seem to be geared to lately. I know that I have touched on this very topic in the last post already, but art, especially music, used to fucking mean something and was not just a publicity tool for big corporations like it is today. But well, this all sounds like the deluded thoughts of a mad man. 
Which can of course be attributed to the lack of sleep I mentioned earlier, but seeing as that is entirely my fault I can not really complain about that. Plus I have gotten sleep by now and am sitting in a Coffeeshop with my laptop because I do not have internet in my new flat yet, quite simply because my fucking provider decided that it needs three weeks and thirty euros to do so, thereby actually forcing me to sit and write publicly, which just seems like a pathetic cry for attention to me, but seeing as I have no choice I'll just have to live with that.

There are quite a number of things that one just has to live/cope with in life. I've noticed that again quite recently. I do not have the ability to "correctly" handle certain highly emotional social intertwining that is often encountered in ones lifetime, and should therefore not engage in such. Which is something I actually found out a moderately long time ago, but for some reason felt that I had to put it to test again a few months ago. That of course resulted in the usual up-and-down which ultimately ended in a crash, like a roller-coaster ride in Final Destination. And whilst it is sad, devastating even, time has taught me to not wallow in these feelings, and rather just stick to first numbing and then forgetting. Which helps. Plus I have got people that I can talk to. And well, this blog right here. And for whatever reason my non-compatibility for relationships seems to be as much a part of me as my desire to write. Although I could not write for quite some time as you have noticed, I am still eager to do so and full of ramblings that need unleashing. But isn't it weird? I can cope with so many social situations and forms of emotional stress, but as soon as I become involved on a deeper emotional level this ability suddenly disappears and I am left as a shell of myself, unable to handle anything. For this very reason I have decided to once again opt out of the whole thing, this social binding that ends up the same way over and over again. Any form of it is ultimately doomed, or at least put to dire tests that most do not recover from. I know that I am being a cynical asshole. But there is an underlying truth in this statement that simply can not be ignored. "'till death do us part" - laughable in 90% of the cases. And even on a less "serious" level. It may be the "perfect couple", it may have lasted for what seems like forever, but in the end it's like flowers - it rots, decays, withers, and dies. Not a pretty outlook on life I know. Of course one may argue that that time passed before things perish is worth so much that entering into such an intertwining albeit knowing of its ultimate doom is still a favorable decision. But I'm not buying it anymore. I have seen these constructs crumble far too often as to believe in the fairy-tale ending that most people spend their entire life searching for. And well, as Hunter S. Thompson already said it perfectly, this search might end up in us not being lonely anymore, but we are ultimately and inevitably alone. So we better make damn sure to like ourselves because that's all we'll be left with in the end. I am drifting off-topic here though, the whole loneliness thing has already been discussed. My actual point is that no matter what we're being told by society and TV-soaps, the hard truth still remains: It all goes to shit at some point. Trust me it does. It might take days, months, years, centuries, or even a lifetime, but it will turn to complete shit and leave a hurtful mark somewhere, be it physically or psychologically. So why bother? Because we might reach a nice endorphin-high for a while before the chemical make-up of our brain manages to readjust itself? Because someone might be the illustrious "one"? Because we still desperately cling to the illusion of maybe not ending up alone? I don't fucking know, and it doesn't make any sense to me anymore. I mean, I know the sweet sweet feeling of finding a significant other and intertwining your life with that persons, and how intoxicating the entire process of "love" can be, trust me I do. But there are ways to resist that, there are ways to turn this nagging little voice inside us that keeps trying to get us hurt off. And I had managed to do so for quite a while actually, but well, I am just lacking years of experience. So I fell for the whole Disney-created bullshit once again rather recently. And it turned to shit, obviously. Which proves my point quite nicely in a rather twisted way. I mean it's not like I was ever planning on things going bad, but that's just the way life fucking is, and I have by now honestly gotten used to it. I have long ago accepted that I will not ever find true happiness in that particular area actually. Meaning that I probably should not have let some chemicals that went rogue in my brain trick me into believing that maybe I was actually just a cynical asshole wallowing in what he perceives the world to be, and not just a cynical asshole realizing how things go down on this little planet we call "Earth". Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Fuck all that. I am not going to do one of these posts examining my actions in retrospect and realizing how much better I could have done things. I know that already, no need to remind myself of it. Plus, believe it or not, there is actually a limit to the amount of information I am willing to disclose on here. This is still a public platform and I am not even pseudonymous, every human being with half a brain can figure out my real name, age, and town of residence by following a couple of links on this page. Which does not mean that I am somehow holding back when it comes to my opinion on things. I am just making sure that any real people involved in my life are kept out of here or at least obscured as much as possible, simply out of respect for these peoples' privacy. And well, there might always be certain types of persons within my audience that know me personally and do not necessarily need to know everything about me, meaning that I do put a certain filter, not content-, but formulation-wise on the things I post on here. 
But nevertheless I am unable to get my mood to go up again since I have once again been proven right, and it's fucking annoying. Things are really going down lately. I mean asides from me ending up alone as usually. There's fights all around, people are ending friendships because of money and women, and I am simply caught in the middle like Malcolm, not wanting to partake in any of these stupid stressful quarrels. I have really got my own shit to worry about. I mean, would it actually come to a physical altercation I'd of course help out as much as my tar-filled black lungs and utter lack of sport would allow me to, but as long as people are just shouting at each other and sending angry SMS like fucking teenagers, I am not going to get involved in the slightest. Luckily enough, I have never been acting in a way that would provoke any aberrant behavior towards me, so I have the luxury of actually not having to take sides or any part in any of it. I am not saying that others have actually provoked anything, not at all actually. But well. If you show a certain form of, not disrespect per se, but rather a very brutal honesty when handling downright stupid and highly emotional people, you are taking a certain risk of having set in motion a chain-reaction that at some point leads to an angry dispute. I have always maintained a much more diplomatic and considerate approach, and did therefore not land in a spot where confrontation is inevitable, which in retrospect makes me quite happy. Not that this makes my situation any better or elevates my mood in any way, but I can at least find solace in the fact that when I hear shouting and pissed-off voices, it won't be of any concern to me. Still, the root of the entire thing is actually so easily solvable that it heavily bothers me that this is getting to a degree where no-one is even considering ever talking to the other person ever again. But I am really not in the mood nor do I have the emotional stability right now to get involved, so I'm just hoping that they'll manage to resolve matters on their own. Or at least reach a stage of passive co-existence. Whatever suits them best, I couldn't give less of a fuck to be honest. 

But anyway, this topic is wearing me out by just writing about it, so I'll put a stop to it at this point. Looking up from my screen I see people enjoying the Coffeeshop as much as I would had I brought money. I am broke as a joke once again, and will need to ask a friend of mine to borrow me some cash, which is really annoying especially considering what's happening between other friends of mine because of essentially the same thing. Notwithstanding, I need to have some sort of financial liquidity until the month has the decency to finally end and stop his torturing grip on my wallet. Moving is expensive as fuck I tell you! It was worth it though, I needed to get the fuck away from my former landlords, I fucking hated these people and their affiliates. So all in all, despite having financially murdered me, I am really enjoying my first month in my new flat. Which I know is of no real interest to most of you, but I am really too exhausted from the weekend still to actually get into any more interesting topic right now. I was awake for three days in a row, and have so far only caught up on like 12 hours of sleep in the past two days, so I am still a tad disgruntled and grumpy, not feeling up to par yet. Which is entirely my own fault obviously. Nevertheless I feel like I've spent the night in a dumpster behind an abortion clinic of the early 30's. Quite disgusting to say the least. But well, I'll be fine again by tomorrow. One day at a time. 

So, after having needed an entire month to actually complete this thing, I have to apologize once again, and as soon as my internet has been installed I will go back to posting almost-weekly as I have done so far. I hope this rather cynical and depressive post was still enjoyable to you, and hopefully opened your eyes on some issues. Or at least made you think about things, as always.
And also as always, you will be left with some good music...

Eminem - Drug Ballad 
-> Awesome song that funnily describes the way drugs and people enjoying them interact whilst also showing that many things are exaggerated, and well amazingly delivered by Eminem as always. And although it is not really pro-drugs it sill has this nice fucked-up-up-junkie feeling to it that Eminem so perfectly created in many of his older songs. So all in all, great song, great lyrics, great artist... Enjoy!

Nate Dogg & Warren G feat. The Game - Party We Will Throw  
-> Classic track that is simply awesome, legendary artists on a funky beat that just elicits this timeless west-coast feeling that is somehow lost in most of today's music... We really need a revival of the G-Funk by the way, but that's not the point here. No the point is that this is an amazing classic tune that you should definitely know, and well... Enjoy!

The Fugees - Killing Me Softly With His Song 
-> Here goes yet another classic song that definitely needed featuring on here, Fugees are awesome anyway and Lauryn Hill has an amazing voice that really shines on this track, and well the HipHop drums in the background do give the whole song a nice alternate feeling to the original version without even slightly destroying its beauty, so... Enjoy!

Flux Pavilion & Dillon Francis - I'm The One 
-> So this is what happens when you put two amazing artists on acid in a room and tell them to create a song and video... Cats that are accessing a sort of parallel world... Wow... The song in itself is quite good too, and well this out-of-worldly video puts the icing on the cake so to say, although it did kind of freak me out in an altered state of mind, but anyway... Enjoy!

LaRoux - In For The Kill (Skreams Let's Get Ravey Remix) 
-> I'm not sure if I haven't posted this on here before but am too lazy to check right now to be honest, so I'll just hope I didn't or that nobody remembers if I did. Anyway, great remix by one of the earliest Dubstep artists in existence, and well this tune is just fucking epic, so... Enjoy!

Ey heb die Beine an - Jumpstyle 
-> First off you will notice that I just copied the YouTube-videos name here. This is because I have no idea what artist produced this song or what the songs name actually is. All I know is that a friend introduced me to this a couple of weeks ago and although I am not usually all too fond of this kind of electronic music, I have to say that this song is fucking great, cool lyrics ("hey get your legs up, so that we can jump, as far as Amsterdam, if not now then when?" -> for all non-German readers, no need to thank me), and a nice melody, so... Enjoy!

AC/DC - Hells Bells 
-> Fucking awesome song! That's almost all I have to say to it actually, you all know the score, AC/DC are a fucking legend and this song is also really great, so... Enjoy!

Korpiklaani - Beer Beer
-> Back in my heavy drinking and metal phase I used to love getting utterly wasted to this song, and although I don't do that as often anymore I still enjoy listening to this song for old time's sake and of course because it is pretty awesome and has a great melody to it, so... Enjoy!

Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
-> 'nuff said. Rest In Peace Freddie Mercury!

So, this turned out to be a long, erratic, depressive and cynical post that took a month to actually be posted online, which was for one due to force majeure, and secondly to my emotional turmoil at the time. But I hope I managed to create something nevertheless enjoyable to you, and will definitely be posting more regularly as soon as I have an internet access again. 

Peace!