Why, oh why

can't I just stick to a fucking deadline? Well in the case of this post I have to say that I was so extremely busy with renovating and moving into my new flat that I literally did not even have the time to sit down and open my laptop the last week, making writing a post on an online platform such as Blogger quite impossible to do. Especially when carrying a cupboard up to the fourth floor. Which is the only real disadvantage that this move brings with itself. Otherwise the place is bigger, cheaper, and even closer to the train-station than my last flat, meaning that I can now sleep longer in the morning which suits my lazy lifestyle quite well. Plus we don't really have neighbors yet due to the fact that we were the first to rent an apartment in this house after it had been renovated, which means that we can essentially turn our music all the way up at any given time of day for the time being. Not that we're actually taking advantage of that fact though - I just fall into bed at night exhausted and fully drained of any energy by the carrying, painting, arranging, etc., meaning that I would be the main counter-force to any form of high-volume audio disturbance in the evening. Hm. Being physically active all day every day is really something I am not even remotely used to to be honest, and I can not for the life of me figure out how some people can say they enjoy that. At the end of the day I am literally dragging myself up the stairs, panting and sweating like a pig, unable to draw any oxygen from the air I am breathing and therefore on the brink of collapse. Which is also obviously because of my lifestyle, but physical activity is not helping in the least. I should probably go and see a doctor at some point, but well I figure that if my body withstood what I put it through so far it will be able to handle what's going to come as well. At least that's what I like to think. But I am getting off track as always, my original topic was my inability to stick to deadlines, but I think I've kind of exhausted that topic earlier already. I mean you know me well enough by now to realize that the rigidity of deadlines and regulations simply does not fit my personality. At all. But yeah, deadlines are useful and needed every now and then, so I am setting some for myself and albeit not even slightly adhering to them I am feeling a little guilty by doing so, especially since I enjoy writing these posts and entertaining you guys and gals. And for good or worse I will continue trying to stick to my own deadlines when it comes to doing so. Well. These words sound all well and nice, but the fact of the matter unfortunately is that I am already a week behind my regular posting time and not even close to having finished or even thought of a topic for this entry. Although I do have very good and very real reasons for it this time, seeing as as much as I would like to I cannot put real life on hold in order to go about writing, or "blogging" as this medium is commonly referred to. 

I have never actually seen myself as a 'blogger' per se. I mean actual bloggers do research, prepare their posts and have schemes and strategies to attract new readers; these people have a well thought-out concept for their blogs. Whereas I only have a non-customized Google template and my ramblings to rely on. Come to think of it, I would much rather define myself as a voice of common sense lurking in the backlands of the internet, patiently waiting for the day that common sense is actually common again. Or as a psychotic wanna-be writer pandering to an equally psychotic audience that in reality is only a product of my deranged imagination. Or something somewhere in the middle of both. It actually doesn't matter, does it? Whatever I define my babbling here to be, there will be another, contradictory and probably better definition out there, so why bother? Plus I am not a big fan of categorizing art anyway. For me it somewhat defies the feelig of freedom and personal expression that all forms of art elicit to try and put labels on it. Takes away the essence. Imagine you're buying a novel, and it says "crime story" on it - you instantly have a certain image floating in your head, a certain expectation towards the book; your focus is turned to the "crime" elements of the story. The same exact manuscript could in all likelihood also be sold as a Thriller, an adventure story, or in extreme cases even as a love story. And you'd be focusing on entirely different aspects of the exact same thing, never realizing the core of what the artist was trying to convey. Furthermore these labels have a somber 1984-feeling to them, but that's probably just my paranoia that comes with almost two days of sleeplessness. Still. Ultimate control of the minds is what all forms of art seem to be geared to lately. I know that I have touched on this very topic in the last post already, but art, especially music, used to fucking mean something and was not just a publicity tool for big corporations like it is today. But well, this all sounds like the deluded thoughts of a mad man. 
Which can of course be attributed to the lack of sleep I mentioned earlier, but seeing as that is entirely my fault I can not really complain about that. Plus I have gotten sleep by now and am sitting in a Coffeeshop with my laptop because I do not have internet in my new flat yet, quite simply because my fucking provider decided that it needs three weeks and thirty euros to do so, thereby actually forcing me to sit and write publicly, which just seems like a pathetic cry for attention to me, but seeing as I have no choice I'll just have to live with that.

There are quite a number of things that one just has to live/cope with in life. I've noticed that again quite recently. I do not have the ability to "correctly" handle certain highly emotional social intertwining that is often encountered in ones lifetime, and should therefore not engage in such. Which is something I actually found out a moderately long time ago, but for some reason felt that I had to put it to test again a few months ago. That of course resulted in the usual up-and-down which ultimately ended in a crash, like a roller-coaster ride in Final Destination. And whilst it is sad, devastating even, time has taught me to not wallow in these feelings, and rather just stick to first numbing and then forgetting. Which helps. Plus I have got people that I can talk to. And well, this blog right here. And for whatever reason my non-compatibility for relationships seems to be as much a part of me as my desire to write. Although I could not write for quite some time as you have noticed, I am still eager to do so and full of ramblings that need unleashing. But isn't it weird? I can cope with so many social situations and forms of emotional stress, but as soon as I become involved on a deeper emotional level this ability suddenly disappears and I am left as a shell of myself, unable to handle anything. For this very reason I have decided to once again opt out of the whole thing, this social binding that ends up the same way over and over again. Any form of it is ultimately doomed, or at least put to dire tests that most do not recover from. I know that I am being a cynical asshole. But there is an underlying truth in this statement that simply can not be ignored. "'till death do us part" - laughable in 90% of the cases. And even on a less "serious" level. It may be the "perfect couple", it may have lasted for what seems like forever, but in the end it's like flowers - it rots, decays, withers, and dies. Not a pretty outlook on life I know. Of course one may argue that that time passed before things perish is worth so much that entering into such an intertwining albeit knowing of its ultimate doom is still a favorable decision. But I'm not buying it anymore. I have seen these constructs crumble far too often as to believe in the fairy-tale ending that most people spend their entire life searching for. And well, as Hunter S. Thompson already said it perfectly, this search might end up in us not being lonely anymore, but we are ultimately and inevitably alone. So we better make damn sure to like ourselves because that's all we'll be left with in the end. I am drifting off-topic here though, the whole loneliness thing has already been discussed. My actual point is that no matter what we're being told by society and TV-soaps, the hard truth still remains: It all goes to shit at some point. Trust me it does. It might take days, months, years, centuries, or even a lifetime, but it will turn to complete shit and leave a hurtful mark somewhere, be it physically or psychologically. So why bother? Because we might reach a nice endorphin-high for a while before the chemical make-up of our brain manages to readjust itself? Because someone might be the illustrious "one"? Because we still desperately cling to the illusion of maybe not ending up alone? I don't fucking know, and it doesn't make any sense to me anymore. I mean, I know the sweet sweet feeling of finding a significant other and intertwining your life with that persons, and how intoxicating the entire process of "love" can be, trust me I do. But there are ways to resist that, there are ways to turn this nagging little voice inside us that keeps trying to get us hurt off. And I had managed to do so for quite a while actually, but well, I am just lacking years of experience. So I fell for the whole Disney-created bullshit once again rather recently. And it turned to shit, obviously. Which proves my point quite nicely in a rather twisted way. I mean it's not like I was ever planning on things going bad, but that's just the way life fucking is, and I have by now honestly gotten used to it. I have long ago accepted that I will not ever find true happiness in that particular area actually. Meaning that I probably should not have let some chemicals that went rogue in my brain trick me into believing that maybe I was actually just a cynical asshole wallowing in what he perceives the world to be, and not just a cynical asshole realizing how things go down on this little planet we call "Earth". Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Fuck all that. I am not going to do one of these posts examining my actions in retrospect and realizing how much better I could have done things. I know that already, no need to remind myself of it. Plus, believe it or not, there is actually a limit to the amount of information I am willing to disclose on here. This is still a public platform and I am not even pseudonymous, every human being with half a brain can figure out my real name, age, and town of residence by following a couple of links on this page. Which does not mean that I am somehow holding back when it comes to my opinion on things. I am just making sure that any real people involved in my life are kept out of here or at least obscured as much as possible, simply out of respect for these peoples' privacy. And well, there might always be certain types of persons within my audience that know me personally and do not necessarily need to know everything about me, meaning that I do put a certain filter, not content-, but formulation-wise on the things I post on here. 
But nevertheless I am unable to get my mood to go up again since I have once again been proven right, and it's fucking annoying. Things are really going down lately. I mean asides from me ending up alone as usually. There's fights all around, people are ending friendships because of money and women, and I am simply caught in the middle like Malcolm, not wanting to partake in any of these stupid stressful quarrels. I have really got my own shit to worry about. I mean, would it actually come to a physical altercation I'd of course help out as much as my tar-filled black lungs and utter lack of sport would allow me to, but as long as people are just shouting at each other and sending angry SMS like fucking teenagers, I am not going to get involved in the slightest. Luckily enough, I have never been acting in a way that would provoke any aberrant behavior towards me, so I have the luxury of actually not having to take sides or any part in any of it. I am not saying that others have actually provoked anything, not at all actually. But well. If you show a certain form of, not disrespect per se, but rather a very brutal honesty when handling downright stupid and highly emotional people, you are taking a certain risk of having set in motion a chain-reaction that at some point leads to an angry dispute. I have always maintained a much more diplomatic and considerate approach, and did therefore not land in a spot where confrontation is inevitable, which in retrospect makes me quite happy. Not that this makes my situation any better or elevates my mood in any way, but I can at least find solace in the fact that when I hear shouting and pissed-off voices, it won't be of any concern to me. Still, the root of the entire thing is actually so easily solvable that it heavily bothers me that this is getting to a degree where no-one is even considering ever talking to the other person ever again. But I am really not in the mood nor do I have the emotional stability right now to get involved, so I'm just hoping that they'll manage to resolve matters on their own. Or at least reach a stage of passive co-existence. Whatever suits them best, I couldn't give less of a fuck to be honest. 

But anyway, this topic is wearing me out by just writing about it, so I'll put a stop to it at this point. Looking up from my screen I see people enjoying the Coffeeshop as much as I would had I brought money. I am broke as a joke once again, and will need to ask a friend of mine to borrow me some cash, which is really annoying especially considering what's happening between other friends of mine because of essentially the same thing. Notwithstanding, I need to have some sort of financial liquidity until the month has the decency to finally end and stop his torturing grip on my wallet. Moving is expensive as fuck I tell you! It was worth it though, I needed to get the fuck away from my former landlords, I fucking hated these people and their affiliates. So all in all, despite having financially murdered me, I am really enjoying my first month in my new flat. Which I know is of no real interest to most of you, but I am really too exhausted from the weekend still to actually get into any more interesting topic right now. I was awake for three days in a row, and have so far only caught up on like 12 hours of sleep in the past two days, so I am still a tad disgruntled and grumpy, not feeling up to par yet. Which is entirely my own fault obviously. Nevertheless I feel like I've spent the night in a dumpster behind an abortion clinic of the early 30's. Quite disgusting to say the least. But well, I'll be fine again by tomorrow. One day at a time. 

So, after having needed an entire month to actually complete this thing, I have to apologize once again, and as soon as my internet has been installed I will go back to posting almost-weekly as I have done so far. I hope this rather cynical and depressive post was still enjoyable to you, and hopefully opened your eyes on some issues. Or at least made you think about things, as always.
And also as always, you will be left with some good music...

Eminem - Drug Ballad 
-> Awesome song that funnily describes the way drugs and people enjoying them interact whilst also showing that many things are exaggerated, and well amazingly delivered by Eminem as always. And although it is not really pro-drugs it sill has this nice fucked-up-up-junkie feeling to it that Eminem so perfectly created in many of his older songs. So all in all, great song, great lyrics, great artist... Enjoy!

Nate Dogg & Warren G feat. The Game - Party We Will Throw  
-> Classic track that is simply awesome, legendary artists on a funky beat that just elicits this timeless west-coast feeling that is somehow lost in most of today's music... We really need a revival of the G-Funk by the way, but that's not the point here. No the point is that this is an amazing classic tune that you should definitely know, and well... Enjoy!

The Fugees - Killing Me Softly With His Song 
-> Here goes yet another classic song that definitely needed featuring on here, Fugees are awesome anyway and Lauryn Hill has an amazing voice that really shines on this track, and well the HipHop drums in the background do give the whole song a nice alternate feeling to the original version without even slightly destroying its beauty, so... Enjoy!

Flux Pavilion & Dillon Francis - I'm The One 
-> So this is what happens when you put two amazing artists on acid in a room and tell them to create a song and video... Cats that are accessing a sort of parallel world... Wow... The song in itself is quite good too, and well this out-of-worldly video puts the icing on the cake so to say, although it did kind of freak me out in an altered state of mind, but anyway... Enjoy!

LaRoux - In For The Kill (Skreams Let's Get Ravey Remix) 
-> I'm not sure if I haven't posted this on here before but am too lazy to check right now to be honest, so I'll just hope I didn't or that nobody remembers if I did. Anyway, great remix by one of the earliest Dubstep artists in existence, and well this tune is just fucking epic, so... Enjoy!

Ey heb die Beine an - Jumpstyle 
-> First off you will notice that I just copied the YouTube-videos name here. This is because I have no idea what artist produced this song or what the songs name actually is. All I know is that a friend introduced me to this a couple of weeks ago and although I am not usually all too fond of this kind of electronic music, I have to say that this song is fucking great, cool lyrics ("hey get your legs up, so that we can jump, as far as Amsterdam, if not now then when?" -> for all non-German readers, no need to thank me), and a nice melody, so... Enjoy!

AC/DC - Hells Bells 
-> Fucking awesome song! That's almost all I have to say to it actually, you all know the score, AC/DC are a fucking legend and this song is also really great, so... Enjoy!

Korpiklaani - Beer Beer
-> Back in my heavy drinking and metal phase I used to love getting utterly wasted to this song, and although I don't do that as often anymore I still enjoy listening to this song for old time's sake and of course because it is pretty awesome and has a great melody to it, so... Enjoy!

Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
-> 'nuff said. Rest In Peace Freddie Mercury!

So, this turned out to be a long, erratic, depressive and cynical post that took a month to actually be posted online, which was for one due to force majeure, and secondly to my emotional turmoil at the time. But I hope I managed to create something nevertheless enjoyable to you, and will definitely be posting more regularly as soon as I have an internet access again. 

Peace!
 

And so I return

to my intended state of being: alone. Not lonely per se, well, on some levels lonelier than before, but first- and foremost alone. Which made me realize once again the importance of respecting myself and learning to live with me being me. This is something I had always known, but sometimes abrupt changes can put that knowledge to test. The choice is whether to opt for saving your individuality, or to debase your personality in order to please. And the latter can never result in true pleasure, seeing as you'll ultimately end up alone anyway, so you better make damn sure you like who that is going to be by staying true to yourself. That sounds so easy on 'paper' but can be devastatingly hard in real life, sometimes not sticking to your actual self may seem like the right thing to do, but it never actually is. As crushing as the consequences to it may be, in the long-run not straying from your psychological make-up will prove itself to make you much happier than twisting yourself into the shell of a person you're not. But well, Hunter S. Thompson formulated essentially this much better than I possibly could: 

"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness" 
(From: The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967)
 
Which says it all, doesn't it? However many people you impress  in your lifetime, however many seemingly meaningful love- and friendship relations you enter, however many admirers you surround yourself with, you are always trapped in your own mind with yourself, completely alone. There is no escaping that fact, which is why a strong personality is the largest and single-most valuable asset you'll ever have. And you need to be able to live with yourself and by yourself, otherwise you'll succumb to the illusion of needing an anchor in the troubled waters of your being, and at some point that anchor you had been relying on won't hold you anymore and you'll have to navigate on your own - and if you're not in tune with yourself, if you don't accept and respect yourself, you are going to fail and drown.
Beware of not confusing debasing your personality with adapting or improving parts of it though. It is fallacious to assume that you can't change certain shallow parts of yourself in order to be more appealing or suitable for certain people or situations. But once you go about trying to change the very core of what makes a specific individual just that you're asking for trouble. In multiple ways. "People don't change", as Gregory House once put it, and once you've realized you're ultimately going to stay who you are and started to accept that fact your entire life and way of dealing with people and issues will change for the better. Because you'll be able to focus on your innermost ambitions and desires without trying to fit any expectations that have been set for the facade you had created for those around you. It is crucial for actually attaining a certain feeling of contentedness in your life that you realize that as early as possible in order to avoid having an epiphany at age 50 and suddenly trying to establish yourself as a porn-star because you realized how much of a player/slut you actually are and that you could have turned your nymphomania into money. Which might be an extreme example, but you get my drift. You'll always have regrets in your life. Just try not having to regret the way of life you chose or the kind of field you're working in. As I said in an earlier post you don't need to work as anything you terribly enjoy as long as it's a mean to an end. But if you only do what you do to adhere to outside pressure and only act the way you act because you let your actual personality be crushed by those pressures you're gonna have a bad time, to reference South Park once again. And well, you can all imagine the dire situations you might find yourself in when your adapted personality encounters something that the actual personality despises; those convinced of the adapted version will be in for a rude awakening and you yourself will realize that you actually had yourself fooled. Which is a hurtful realization that you want to avoid. Trust me on this.
It is a hard walk to walk, that walk of self-realization and respect without any compromises. Is it worth walking? Fuck if I know. Certainly doesn't feel like it from time to time. But in regard to the future I assume that it is. At least I know that I won't look back at my life at some point and realize that I haven't done what I wanted and needed throughout it, I won't have regrets because I didn't stay true to myself, no, I'll look back at my life and know that although what I did was not always right I always made calls based purely on my own perception and ideas, not falling for the fallacy of trying to conform. And I like to think that that is something to be proud of. Now I may be wrong. But I can not for the life of me figure out how I could be in this case, so I'll just assume that I'm not. 

The loneliness mentioned earlier that I feel at the moment is not as crushingly weighing on me as I thought it would be though. I have grown to accept being alone in the end, and I have grown to accept that my personality is not suitable for togetherness per se anyway, and I have also grown to accept myself as being myself; therefore being alone, or lonely for that matter, does not seems de facto bad to me. Because as I said at the beginning of this post: being alone is my intended state of being. I believe I was never meant to be an actual part of social intertwining that goes beyond casual conversation with platonic partners. And whilst this rule has seen its exceptions, it was only proven true by them. This is a pattern that I have often recognized throughout my life, and albeit being technically too young to actually say anything like that with certainty yet I can say that I have almost 20 years worth of anecdotal proof to base this assumption on - and the pattern has shown its consistency throughout that time. But I decided to not wallow in self-loathing because of it, and rather to embrace solitude as an inevitable constant in my being; I accepted it. And having done so, exceptions like the ones mentioned feel even more extraordinary simply because the absolute dependance on them for happiness is out of the picture, therefore the focus can be switched to just being happy. And when the rule strikes again, the happiness may fade but it won't be replaced with soul-crushing depression. Rather with the well-known and embraced feeling of solitude discussed earlier. And that is a lot better than the first-mentioned emotion, because when the solitude you've gotten used to hits it won't be a moment of losing all hold and drowning, but rather a moment of what you had expected anyway "finally" happening. Yeah the realization of having been right all along once again hurts, but in the long-run it's less debasing and hurtful to your inner core than the alternative of believing that the exceptions are supposed to be the status quo and not the other way around. That is of course a really depressing way of seeing things at first, but it's ultimately more honest to yourself and those you enter whatever kinds of relationships with. The only thing that finally remains depressing about it is seeing those that have not and somehow can not accept this in their own lives, and take each set-back like it's the end of their emotional being, which at some point is just sad to see. Especially because it reminds me of myself back when I didn't see myself for who I am, and life for what it is, and was heavily dependent on others for my well-being. But well, to each his own. I guess what I am just trying to do here is show you how much value for your life respecting and sticking to yourself actually holds. My goal is not to turn you off the idea of relationships and togetherness though mind you - I am just saying that you are going to end up alone anyway, so you'll have to see to it that you're walking your own path because walking a path someone else sets for you will lead you to a destination you might not like anymore when that someone is gone. So I am essentially trying to warn you, you can consider this post to be a word of caution. Or rather a piece of advice. However you want to put it, it's just something to keep in mind when living your life and binding yourself to others emotionally.

Like death, solitude is an inevitable fact of that great journey that we decided to call 'life' for whatever reason -- it's really just a process of growing and decaying if you look at it -- and it is also one of those things that people tend to have a hard time accepting as the inevitability that it is. So for the same reason that artist create entertainment to reach a sort of immortality, couples get married in order to reach an eternal togetherness. Both of which do not work per se. You'll end up in a box 6-feet under no matter what, just like you'll ultimately be alone no matter what. The obvious question at hand now is if these ways of immortalizing yourself or your coupling are completely useless in the face of aforementioned inevitability. Well, no, not really. Although the body decays part of the mind will remain in an artists' works, just like loneliness will be alleviated by marriage and if it actually lasted until death did them part the consecrated union will also be remember long beyond the demise of the weds. And whilst that knowledge will not ease the finality of death or being alone, it will provide solace in that moment. Or at least I think so. Maybe at some point when I'm wiser and I'm older I'll know with a fair amount of certainty. But I doubt it to be honest, I think one can never truly know in ones lifetime. Not that it really matter in daily decisions, otherwise we'd spent hours deciding if leaving the house in the morning is the right thing to do. But still. There is an omnipresent wondering about that moment of drawing ones final breath. And understandably so. I mean, if we all just knew how it felt to die and what came afterwards, we would either all commit suicide or start living a pedantically healthy, almost hypochondriac lifestyle. Both of which would be extremely counterproductive to society. Which is also why this very tangent doesn't provide much room for discussion or interpretation, because I can not talk about the feeling of death, or the feeling of ultimately being alone, simply because I have not reached that point in my life yet. Not by a long shot actually. And whilst of course being able to formulate my theoretical thoughts about it like I did above, I don't want to get into it much further. At least not for now and definitely not soberly. 
Hah, a lot of line of thoughts come down to this in my posts, don't they? But when I'm in a state of mind altered enough to completely think these things through, my motor skills are mostly too impaired to write the thoughts down, making this whole thing extremely difficult. Should I manage to walk that thin line between being creative and able to write, and just being too fucked up to get anything done I will surely produce great insights full of wisdom. But until then I will keep on telling you which topics I can't write about in sobriety.

Which basically concludes today's post, and well I hope you've learned a thing or two, or have at least been inspired to think about things a little differently by the words above. And in this light I will leave you with some great music, as always: 

50 Cent - When It Rains It Pours 
-> I have said before that 50 will appear here some more from time to time, and well here we go. The song is so fucking dope, and that's really the only proper way to put it. The beat and the guitar-lick in it combined with 50's unique voice make for an awesome tune to say the least, and the scene in the movie is amazingly fitting, so... Enjoy!

Fort Minor - Cigarettes
-> It's just like a cigarette it's something that I do once in a while but between me and you, it's just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled, I don't want the truth I just want to feel cool... Great song, deep meaning, reflecting the hypocrisy and lack of integrity that is omnipresent in today's musical industry, and well I like Fort Minor in general, so... Enjoy!

Swedish House Mafia - One (Original Mix) 
-> If you only know this melody because of the version with the vocals, shame on you! This is the real version of this song, and it's fucking enthralling, the way it builds up with just a few notes to an epic melodic journey. I have heard this song first in 2010 shortly after its first release I believe, and have enjoyed it ever since. Without the vocals mind you. I don't have any problem with Pharrell Williams or his music per se, but he completely ruined this great song in my opinion. But this version is as awesome as it gets, so... Enjoy!

Hadouken! - Levitate (Koven Remix) 
-> Whilst browsing through the UKF Dubstep channel on Youtube, I re-discovered this gem that I first heard about half a year ago during my summer break I think. Starts with beautiful vocals that slowly rise to an awesomely epic drop at about a minute ten in, and it's all in all just a great tune, so... Enjoy!

Metallica - Seek And Destroy 
-> I have a T-shirt of the "Kill'Em All" album and I extremely enjoy this song, which is why I had to share it with you. And well, it's a classic tune from a classic album from one of the most commercially successful Metal bands to date, although it's exactly that that ruined them after the first four albums they released, but this is a different topic, and this tune is fucking awesome, so... Enjoy!

Exodus - The Toxic Waltz 
-> I am somehow feeling classic, timeless metal tunes today, and so I could not help but feature this great great song from the album "Fabulous Disaster" which I don't personally own. But that's the song that introduced me to Exodus and enticed me to buy the "Bonded by Blood" Album a few years ago. Well, this is an amazing and funny song, great guitar playing, great vocals, just a great piece of thrash metal, so... Enjoy!

Well, this entry was somewhat on the darker side again, pretty sinister and depressing topic to be honest, but when I started composing it I was in a comparable mood. Still am to some extent, but well you know why it's only to some extent and not an extreme weight dragging me down. Anyway, I hope this post was enjoyable despite its negative topic. I mean, it's not like I've been thoroughly positive in my previous postings. And you should have gotten used to a certain degree of slightly pessimistic cynicism in my writing and thinking. In my thinking, that I am only actually revealing here come to think of it, I am much more passive in everyday dialogues than the thoughts expressed here would suggest. 

But enough of this, I am tired.


Peace!