I could essentially

start this post with the same exact title as the previous one. "Why, oh why". But this time it would go on with something like "can I not keep myself from my own emotions?". Which is something I am really asking myself lately. Bear my last post in mind. Social intertwining is ultimately doomed and therefore engaging in such can be considered stupid, mad even. That was the conclusion; the end of all hope. 

“Can’t repeat the past?…Why of course you can!” 

                  - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

And now fate, or whatever, has decided to jolt my transfixed bad mood upwards, and give me back what sucked the life clean out of me whilst it was gone. Ironically enough, this has, as the avid reader may have noticed, happened twice already, which had proven my long ago reached conclusion about the senselessness of such intertwining completely. But I can not for the life of me escape those sweet endorphins that dead-bolt rose-tainted glasses onto my eyes. Isn't it ironic that I had forsaken these very emotions already, dismissing them as idle brain-farts always leading to the same painful end? And aren't they? I mean, I should probably quote Mrs. Rita Mae Brown before going any further: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.". Which is exactly what's happening here, or am I wrong? The ultimate doom I was mentioning has not disappeared, but simply drifted out of focus due to aforementioned endorphin-highs that are more addicting than the most potent crack/heroin mixture any drug-peddling half-mad chemist in some Czech laboratory could come up with. But I'm getting off-topic here. 
What I was discussing was the essential underlying insanity in the action of just trying to jump into the same old relationship Phoenix-style. I am not saying it is a bad thing per se, quite the contrary actually. My feelings towards it are as magnificent as one might imagine them being after the past two weeks of feeling like shit. Still I cannot shake off that lingering voice in the back of my head that is screaming "Dysfunctional! Insane! Just plain damn weird!". But then again, "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" (HST), so maybe that's what we're doing? Just taking all the weirdness surrounding us and bringing it to a whole new level? I like to think so actually. Who needs the conforming, normal people acting like they should, even or especially when socially intertwined by the four-letter word that means everything and nothing? I am and always have been a fan of more radical approaches to mundane things anyway, so why bother trying to act as others do in that aspect? So I am, as you could have expected not going to do that. 
But I avoided the question that has been present ever since I introduced my mood swing that has happened because I engaged in a symbiosis that I had doomed and damned just a week ago. This question is if I was wrong with my ranting about the ultimate doom that faces each and every coupling. Unfortunately, no. That remains an omnipresent reality of life. But I may have been wrong about the utter senselessness of engaging in such intertwining. Because despite all evidence to the contrary that presented its ugly face once that uplifting relieving of lonliness was gone, I am happy once again, which is something almost two decades of living have taught me to cherish as long as it lasts - however long that may be. And seeing as aforementioned togetherness increases such moments considerably,the down that eventually comes might actually be worth the up that precedes it. 

"Buy the ticket, take the ride!" as my favorite author would say. And I've bought the ticket a few months ago and the ride is apparently far from over albeit having stopped for an unbearable while. So, I'll ride this ride until the bitter-sweet end that I've discussed in the last post. Which is a beautiful feeling actually. Fuck, I'm alive and I'm fucking loving it! I can not say how long this euphoria will last but as long as it remains I will enjoy it.

Anyway. I have to say that vis-à-vis the shit that's going down in the world, my happiness might be misplaced. But fuck the world. As you know I've long ago established that this entire imaginary construct we call society will collapse under its own dumb mass of braindead parasites. They will drown in the foam of their own filth, sex, and murder, to loosely quote Rorschach from "Watchmen". Mind the "loosely" though, I was too lazy to actually google the exact wording. I have not ever wanted any part in the depraved obscenities that are generally accepted as "social behavior" nowadays, which is also the reason for my general incompatibility when it comes to relationships. But if we take the element of the expected norms out of it and elevate the weird to a professional level... Well, at that point the whole picture changes, and being incompatible in the regular and socially-accepted way is no longer of any importance. Which is hopefully a status that I can fully achieve rather soon. I'm on my way but not quite there yet I feel, which also explains the fall-outs mentioned earlier. But enough of that. The essence of what I am trying to convey here is that if opting out of any social conformity is what you're aiming for, there's no reason why there shouldn't be a special somebody joining you in just that. That is what I actually realized due to this on-off thing that's been going on in my life for a few months now. Whether or not this realization holds any kind of value is another question. I mean, I could actually use a matrix allegory here: Some people within the matrix are simply not yet ready to be freed and will use all their might and cunning to perpetuate the status quo. Just like in real life, some people may simply not be ready to opt out of societal norms and therefore try with all their power to stay within. But then along comes a person defying the very system these people are sworn to protect, and an emotional bond is established. That's when things get complicated. Because someone immersed in the system and someone trying to avoid being just that cannot usually co-exist for a long time without serious quarrel. But an emotional bond may be too strong to actually stay away from each other, leaving both parties at an impasse. Or rather at what seems like an impasse. The inevitability of doom is present in any emotional connection but in the one just described it is actually being postponed quite a bit in comparison to a coupling where both partners are either opted in or out of society's relentless grip. The reason for this is that small fractions of the ultimate doom are shattered on the long road towards it of an essentially incompatible couple, meaning that small pieces of the bitter end are being taken away up front so to say, leading to an overall longer-lasting journey. If that even makes any sense. But I believe it does. Or at least I hope so. But fuck if I know. In these highly emotional contexts one can never be entirely sure of any utterance, as proven by the disparity that can be found between this and the previous post. Emotions are highly fucking unpredictable to say the least. Which is on one side, as many may argue, what makes them so unique and special and unicorns and rainbows, but on the other side, my side, it is exactly that what's so fucking annoying about them. If I could just keep those fuckers at bay I'd be so happy. It's not that I don't enjoy being jolted around by endorphin-induced euphoria followed by soul-crushing depression, and then being jolted upwards again. But I'd much rather have some sort of control over the entire process. Not in the sense that I want to be able to choose who I fall for or anything like that, but much rather in the sense of being able to control the degree of madness that comes down on one as soon as aforementioned "fall" has occurred. It's incredible the way grown-up people let their emotional sides get the best of them as soon as it comes down to the notorious four-letter word. And that is the kind of behavior that I would like to be able to suppress when I say that I would like to have full control over my feelings. But this tangent about the control of emotions appeared here quite randomly out of nowhere. 
In the end "errare humanum est, sed perseverare diabolicum", so if I was wrong with the assumption about my utter incompatibility for social intertwining and the senselessness thereof, at least I was "wise" enough not to persist in it, and therefore also not diabolical. I might also be persisting in an erroneous coupling though, but in that case I have to say that being diabolical doesn't seem as bad, but rather good actually. Or Seneca was only partially right, but I doubt that. So I am either persisting in my fallacious assumption and thereby slowly morphing from human to he-devil, or I was wrong with my initial assumption from my last post and am now being human by admitting just that. Either way, I have already been or will be proven wrong. Which is simply part of life and nothing to be ashamed of in my humble opinion. Not many a soul thinks like that though, being wrong seems like the ultimate sin nowadays, which is quite simply put idiotic. If we didn't err and therefore stumble at all, we'd never learn how to accept that and get back on our feet, and lacking that kind of experience would quickly transform the human race into a bunch of whiny little pricks. Not that we're much better now, mind you. But at least there are still a lot of people who know how to deal with defeat and fallacious reasoning in a decent, civil kind of way. Which would essentially just be to accept it, get back up, and then move on. But too many idiots are too stubborn and far too set in their own opinion of themselves to actually accept that they were wrong. And these fucking retards then use all of their might to try and prove that they have been right after all, even if that means doing a whole bunch of hurtful, depraved, and downright immoral bullshit. Just because it is too fucking embarrassing for them to admit an erroneous decision and learn from that mistake. No, they've got to be right from the very start, and cannot see that that's just fucking impossible. But well, to each his own I guess, and I've learned to recognize and avoid these parasitic parodies of human beings anyway. Plus I am usually more than able to actually make them see the fallacy of their ways in a rather brutally honest way, making my encounters with these... people... a rather fun experience for me, and a soul-crushing disastrous realization for them. So a win-win situation in the greater context. 

But fuck all that. Some, or actually most come to think of it, of them will never change anyhow. And well, that's essentially just to way life is, in some ways there will always be a few things that one just needs to cope with, as mentioned in my previous post. And that is what makes life so fucking enthralling on one, but also so fucking devastating on the other hand. 
I am getting tired though, so I'll just cut the post off here, and leave you guys be with some good music, as always:

KillaGraham - Clowns
-> I am getting a hard-on just listening to this amazing bit of pure filth! I have always loved the UKF Dubstep Channel, and despite a slight drop in quality in the latest uploads, this epic piece of music is definitely one of the gems on there. Great melody, surprising but awesome drop, and an overall feeling of pure greatness, making this tune fucking awesome, so... Enjoy!

Knife Party - Centipede 
-> Knife Party never disappoints, and this song proves just that... Greatly chosen introductory vocals, followed by a drop of epic proportions with a bass that slaps you through the room, opens your cranium and then forces your soulless body to play football with your brain! Mind-boggling stuff, great artist, and once again found on the best channel for electronic music on YouTube, so... Enjoy!

Flatbush Zombies - Thug Waffle
-> Okay let me start by saying that this not the style of HipHop I usually enjoy, but this song is just so fucking awesome and talking about mankind's favorite plant, meaning that I had to put it on here, and the hook is about the best I've heard in a recent release for quite some time... "Fuck the police though, we smoking like it's legal!"... Enjoy!

Method Man - Uh Huh
-> Let's get back to some classic rap, here is maybe the ill-est MC alive, with a fucking awesome track, a funky-ass beat, and well Method Man's incredible flow and lyrics! Method Man has been around for such a long time, rolling with the Clan way back then, and has since then established himself as one of the very greatest rappers in history, and this tune just proves that this is where he belongs, so... Enjoy!

Metallica - For Whom The Bell Tolls
-> Although I did check to see whether or not I've already posted this one here and did not see it anywhere, I cannot shake the feeling that I had already featured this track... But anyway, great song used in one of the funniest Zombie movies since Shaun of the dead, and well it has been around for ages just like Metallica themselves, making this tune an absolute classic that definitely needs to be here, so... Enjoy!

Machine Head - Halo
-> I've always rather enjoyed Machine Head, they exude this raw energy within their music that is so often lost in today's music, and their riffs and melodic parts are equally amazing. Although I have to say that I was never a fan of switching between a sort-of growling and clean vocals, but in this case it actually works quite well. Plus the video is fucking awesome too, so... Enjoy!

Well, this turned out to be a rather positive post albeit touching on some difficult issues. But seeing as my mood has really gone up again it wasn't all too hard to stay out of narcissistic self-despair and -loathing for once and deliver something at least remotely optimistic. So, I hope you enjoyed my newest ramblings and were not all too annoyed by the fact that I essentially contradicted myself vis-à-vis my previous post.


Peace!

Love it or leave it

Well, it has once again been a week since I posted. I could have figured that out beforehand though to be honest, I mean, you know me and my chronic laziness syndrome.

For this entry I have chosen to discuss the statement that can be read in this posts' title. "Love it or leave it", which is pretty much a word by word translation of the title of a German rap song, but it's the message I will discuss and not the song itself, although it is pretty great, I might include it in the usual list of songs at the end of the post.

So, what do I mean by "love it or leave it"? It's quite simple actually, the message is to either be entirely and whole-heartily involved in whatever it is you happen to be doing, or to completely let it be and concentrate on something else. The message is essentially not to do anything in a half assed fashion.
That coming from me may seem weird to those that know me personally, seeing as I am exactly the kind of person that does only the required minimum to get by, and not more. But I do that whole-heartily. I have spent my lifetime perfecting the art of comfortable mediocrity that gets me through life with the least amount of effort possible. While some might find this achievement to be questionable considering the definition of "achieving something", I beg to differ. I don't think that the term "achievement" should have a general definition, seeing as it is highly subjective. For me, an achievement is to comfortably drift through life whilst giving people the impression that I am actual valuable and contribute to whatever is going on around me. For someone else, an achievement might be to reach the very top of whatever field he happens to be in. Now, ask yourself, is one "achievement" really more of that than the other one? I don't think so.

But I am getting lost in my ramblings again. Back to the topic.

The issue with doing something "just a little" (and for once I am not talking about psychoactive substances although this sentence might elicit that impression...) is that it either crumbles under outside pressures that set expectations higher than achievable by half assing, or that it becomes too boring and dull to be bearable at some point, but at that point the opportunity to actually get completely implicated in the action in order to make it interesting has usually already been missed.
"But is that not totally contradictory to what you said about your own way of drifting through life?" Nope. You didn't listen. Go and re-read the previous paragraph. I am completely involved in staying at just the same level as the bar for having mediocre success is set, which is enough for me. I don't get my personal feelings of success from getting the perfect job with great pay, or from getting high grades. My personal feeling of success kicks in when all that bullshit is done and I can finally relax and just devote my time to leisure. And everything else are just means to achieve exactly that - being able to chill without having to worry about some fucking shit that I don't even want to think about but am constantly compelled to by the usual forces.

The point I am trying to get across is probably that you should define for yourself what you really want, what your personal feeling of achievement consists of, and work towards that. With everything you got. But don't stumble around life not even remotely knowing what you're trying attain by doing what you're doing. I used to do that. I went to school, heck, even when applying for university I was just doing it because "that's how it it is - you go to school, get your diploma, and then go on to study". That had been drilled into my head by every person of authority that ever "guided" me. You have to work to pay your bills, and in order to work you need to be educated, and in order to be educated you need to go to university, etc. But all this dull, bullshit routine should not be the goal in itself. It should be a mean to give you the financial and social stability to get utterly fucked up into another dimension on weekends. It should be the norm that you defy by working within, but living without. It should not be the reason you get up in the morning. The reason to get up should be the fact that once the work is done you can come home and finally do what humans do - escape this dreaded reality of conforming we have created for ourselves, our own personal little matrix.

Damn me and my racing thoughts, went off-topic again at some point there.

Anyways, I think I managed to convey the general outline of what my thoughts are on this subject. I mean in the end, you're all going to do whatever you want, and, as you know me, I fully endorse that. But if you're going to do whatever it is you're going to do - at least really do it. Get completely immersed in your actions. Love what it is you want to do. Love it. Or leave it, but then find something - we all need something that we love, something that gives us the strength to face the painfully fake world out there. Everyday.
And don't forget that leaving it is the option for actions you can't get fully involved in, but bear in mind that in order to be entirely entangled in what you love you have to create the means for doing so, sometimes by dull, relentless tasks you loathe. But as long as it serves the cause of leading to something that you pursue out of sheer enthusiasm you can endure it.

So, if you're going to take action - love it or leave it. That's all there is to it.

And with this, and some music, I'll leave you be for now.

Genetikk - Liebs oder lass es (feat. Sido)
-> this is the aforementioned German rap song that inspired today's entry, and the crew that made this gem is one of the few German rap artists that seriously care about rap and Hip-Hop as a culture, and they have lots of talent and skills, and albeit having lots of comedic texts, do practice the apparently lost art of social criticism and sarcasm within their music, which is great!

Kid Ink - Hell and back
-> I have very close to zero knowledge about Kid Ink himself, but I know that this song is fucking awesome, and I figured since this is a blog to promote good music anyway... Enjoy :)

Hopsin - Sag My Pants
-> Oh god, did I post this already? If so please smite me in the comment section, I am soo unsure about this at the moment... Anyway, Hopsin is fucking amazing, raw and pure talent concentrated in one MC, real, good ol' fashioned Hip-Hop music with great and funny lyrics, check out some of his other stuff, too!

Ice Cube & Snoop Dogg - Go To Church (feat. Lil' Jon)
-> Awesome song, two of the best MCs out there together yields great results! And Lil' Jon gets paid millions for screaming a few words... I mean seriously, his "part" consists of "You scared, you scared, you scared, motherfucker, you scared" and he assists in the hook. And that's it. But I'm not here to bash Lil' Jon or this song! I like this song! A lot!

Metallica - Master Of Puppets
-> maybe the most cliche metal song I could come up with, but definitely one of the finest pieces of music ever recorded, the solos, the riffs, the singing, the baseline, the drums, all perfectly joint in a melodic, yet wild, paradise of musical excellence! Awesome!

Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze
-> why, yes, this song exists! And it is a great, very trippy song about the most psychedelic ganja in existence, and elicits exactly that kind of feeling! And, well, musically, I can only say that this is Jimi Hendrix - THE Jimi Hendrix. I think that speaks for itself.

Bon Jovi - You give love a bad name
-> yeah I know, I know... But this song is fucking great, and anyone telling me their head doesn't automatically start moving rhythmically when this starts playing is lying, simple as that! Great tune!

Cypress Hill - Insane in the brain
-> "Insane in the membrane.... Insane in the brain, yo! Insane in the membrane... Left insane, got no brain!" Such an awesome song! I love Cypress Hill and everything about them, and this song is by no means an exception!

Well, I hope you enjoyed today's entry. It was a bit on the lighter side compared to other things I've posted, don't you think?

Peace!