this great mystery called "life" isn't it? And I mean that in both directions. Sometimes, like myself lately, you might feel down, rock-bottom down actually, and then fate, or whatever you want to call it suddenly jolts you back up and you find yourself being happy again. Which does not last forever obviously, the fall back down always comes eventually, but it's nice to be reminded that it's usually followed by a ride back up. And well, ultimately everything evens itself out anyway. I have already discussed this though so I won't repeat that today. I am as usually writing completely at random and hoping that something interesting appears here so that I can meet the (almost-)weekly deadline I have set for myself. Deadlines are actually something I thoroughly despise and always try to somehow postpone or get around, making me somewhat pissed at myself for having set one here. But if I don't do this regularly I notice that it gets harder and harder to write creatively and even spell correctly, which impairs my ability to go on working on my novel that now already consists of almost 9000 words, and I am really eager to write as much as I can for it seeing as I really enjoy creating the protagonists life on the edge. Maybe I'll post a little sneak-preview of it here at some point to get your opinion on it and, well, to share it of course. But not today. I want to have a little more material to choose from prior to deciding what part of it to excerpt and feature here. So I will once again just stick to writing something that's hopefully entertaining for you guys. Or at least something that makes you think about things, but you all know the drill by now. Which leaves me at an impasse because I am not really thinking a whole lot at the moment, I am simply basking in the happiness that has suddenly been catapulted back into my life. I mean there is a lot going on, there's trouble brewing all around the world, which I know because I am now following every source of news imaginable on Twitter and installed two News-apps on my smartphone. That idea came to me, as you can probably imagine, whilst reading a Hunter S. Thompson book. And also because I have lately been feeling like I should work towards a profession where I would actually make money with my writing, in whatever form that may be.
And according to "wordcounter.net" the above introductory paragraph was exactly 420 words long. Isn't that awesome? I mean that that just randomly happened so close to 4/20 is just fucking amazing. It actually made me smile just now. But anyway, there will be another post around that day concerning itself with mankind's favorite plant. Probably. Today however I will be ranting about something that has drawn my into a vicious circle of being pissed about it over and over again. That something is namely my inability to write lately. And by that I don't mean that I'm suffering from "Writers block" or something similar, no I mean that I do not have the fucking time. My social circle here has expanded beyond my wildest dreams meaning that if I'm not at university I am somewhere else hanging with friends or spending time with my girlfriend, both of which lead to me being home late and exhausted, ergo unable to produce as much as a god damned predicate. Which just saddens me because I would love to spend as much time on creating sentences and paragraphs as possible. But alas, reality and its many responsibilities are always lurking behind the next corner, ambushing me whenever they see fit, and thereby preventing any kind of creative process from happening. Even now I am very limited in my time, hastily typing these words on my smartphone whilst waiting at my institution for higher education for an exam to finish so that I can go home. Not alone though mind you, which means that this entry will not be continued until late afternoon today or worst-case scenario even tomorrow morning. That would be terrible, especially after announcing this post to be appearing "within the next few days" on Facebook. What a blunt error on my part. Making promises that will probably not be holdable after all. I am however trying my best to hold them, which is why I am using these few minutes of spare time to write this.
Being a highly social animal it is getting increasingly hard to find such moments of tranquility though. It's not only my misanthropic side speaking here; I genuinely believe that albeit longing for social recognition and interaction even us humans need a fucking break for one another from time to time. By which I do not want to demean the value of any time spent with people close to myself. Or complain about the amount of time that was spent. All I am saying is that it is essential for people to be by themselves occasionally, especially when creating art of any kind or when dealing with emotional extremes. In latter case having others around may be helpful to some, I agree, but personally I would much rather discharge myself emotionally on my own prior to talking to others and sharing my feelings. But maybe that's just me.
Hm. The above paragraph derailed kind of quickly from "inability to write" to "breaks from social interaction". Well I guess the topics are pretty heavily interlinked after all as outlined above. If there were more of those breaks my ability to write would 'rise' again. But then again social interaction is mostly not as bad as it used to be for me. Of course there are lots of things I still find insanely annoying about it that make me want to quit society and live on a small island on my own, but all in all it's gotten better I think. Although I have to admit that my perception of the world is once again tainted in rose by the recent uplift that fate (or whatever) has given my life, meaning that that might also be the reason for me thinking that interacting with humans is not as bad as usually lately. Which is not negative per se, but just something to keep in mind whilst reading this. I was in an entirely different mood when I wrote the last entry for example. Which is pretty obvious actually. But well, as the title suggests that's how life goes. And isn't it fucking annoying that I keep coming to that conclusion? I mean, I feel like a broken CD-player repeating the same old track over and over again. And also the reason I feel fucking trapped in an ever-repeating cycle. Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy with everything at the moment. But still. There is a relentless little nagging voice inside of my brain that's enticing me to somehow try and break free from the ups-and-downs of life. If that's even possible; and I highly doubt that to be honest. It's like Karma - something you can not escape. And whilst you know me enough by now to know that I am not spiritual or religious in any way, I do believe the underlying concept of Karma to be applicable to everyday life. If you behave decently and well towards others, eventually good will come to you in some form. And well, the opposite applies too: if you behave like an asshole you'll ultimately be punished for your wicked ways in some way. And albeit having to admit that there are enough cases where this does not seem to apply, I still believe the idea of Karma to hold some truth. All the times I have behaved like an utter jerk or have hurt people it has turned around to bite me in the ass in one way or another. And whilst not every time I behaved decently has been rewarded in some way, it still is true that it does not only make you feel better about yourself but also increases the likelihood of good things coming your way. At least that's how I have experienced it so far. Mostly. There are of course also examples of times where good deeds have been completely unrequited and even led to disastrous consequences for me. In retrospect even these times have been evened out by other positive experiences that can somehow also be traced back to aforementioned consequences, so the overall concept of Karma still applies. And somehow I find solace in that fact. Because you see so many people acting like the world revolves around them, and it's just so great to 'know' that these assholes will eventually have some sort of huge "down" within their lives because of that behavior. Know is in parentheses because you can not possibly be sure of a thing like that. But at least I like to think that it is that way, and that gives me some sort of comfort when dealing with those kind of assholes.
Anyway. I am really lacking creative capabilities today. I feel somewhat drained lately. I am probably just too happy to write. Or maybe I am just lazy as fuck and am using that as an excuse for myself. Which is actually not uncommon at all; if there is a possibility to blame unproductive behavior on anything but ourselves, us humans are extremely quick to do so. And understandably so. I mean, it's easy to face being too lazy to do things you're not interested in, but when it comes to things you would actually want to do but for some reason feel unable to complete them it's a whole other story. Because, well, you want to finish these activities and reach the goals you set for yourself. And the feeling of inability that hinders the progress towards it may just stem from laziness. A laziness that is not necessarily bad though, because your inner batteries need recharging once in a while and those periods of non-productivity may lead to just that. It only becomes problematic when the non-productive periods outweigh the productive ones. And I don't necessarily mean outweigh in temporal terms. The productive periods can be a lot shorter than the non-productive ones. Some people just work better when they cram their creative span into a few frenzied days between weeks of not doing anything. Which is a perfectly valid way of working, as long as the fruits said productivity yields are big enough. Which is very subjective of course, and entirely depends on your own perception of things. For some that may be a few hundred words, for others a few hundred pages; if you're writing that is obviously. But it applies to any kind of creative process. I myself usually try to just write a little at least every other day because otherwise I lose my flow so to say and have a harder time getting stuff done the way I would want to. Which is also yet another reason this post took such a long time to be completed actually. 11 days for an entry to appear. That's a little longer than almost-weekly, but still roughly fits the scheme. Plus I doubt that anyone is really going to complain about it.
But I am getting tired. And well, as outlined above I really think that I have exhausted my creative potential for the next couple of days, and seeing as I really need and want to continue working on my novel, I will need to be creatively active again quite soon, so I am putting a stop to this moderately interesting but hopefully still to some degree enjoyable entry, and as always leaving you with some good music to unwind:
Astronaut - Quantum (Spag Heddy Remix)
-> This is one of the songs that could probably literally make me cum. It is such an epic fucking remix of an already awesomely melodic song, and the build up to the raw drop that still manages to remain melodic throughout and thereby not destroying the charm of the original but adding a raw bite to it so to say, that makes this entire song such a perfect musical creating, so... Enjoy!
Spag Heddy - Pink Koeks
-> Well after just featuring the remix above I felt enticed to research some more songs of this guy, and stumbled upon this gem, which besides being completely fucking sick and awesome also makes me happy somehow, maybe it's the melody, I don't know, but hearing this track makes me smile, and well it's just an amazing tune, I am really liking this artist and will surely have more of his works here in later posts, so... Enjoy!
Annihilator - Alison Hell
-> This song is, as you can see at the start of the video based on a true story of a little girl who slowly fell into the depths of insanity, starting with a simple fear of boogey man. Well, besides from these sick guitar riffs that far surpass many modern-day guitarists wildest dreams, this song is extremely deep and reflects the development of Alison's mental deterioration frighteningly well. All in all a great classic, so... Enjoy!
Iron Maiden - Brave New World
-> Although I have a certain aversion to the great Huxley novel of the same name because I was forced to deal with it in English class, it holds a great truth about what humanity's heading to, and well this song somewhat touches on that theme as well, there's lots of social criticism in there, and it's just an overall beautifully sad song that most definitely needed featuring here, so... Enjoy!
Andre Nickatina & San Quinn - Ayo for Yayo
-> While I know neither of these artists' other songs or even background or anything at all actually, I do know how much I enjoy this song, and how fucking awesome it simply is. And of course a warning about the dangers of cocaine addiction. But that shouldn't be a nuisance, it's still a fucking great song, the beat is really chill and the guys flow fits so amazingly with it, making it an all in all awesome tune, so... Enjoy!
DMX - Where The Hood At
-> Whilst being pretty homophobic, which is not unusual in Rap, this is still a fine-ass piece of rap music right here. D to the M to the X. I mean, you all know this song, and there is not much more I can really say. Great classic tune, so... Enjoy!
Well, this did not turn out as one of my best posts to be honest, and I do apologize for the slight lack of quality which occurred because of reasons outlined above. I will do my best to compensate for this with my next post though, and will also try and post within the next seven days instead of eleven this time. But anyway, I hope this entry was still enjoyable to you, and wish you a good night, or day, depending on which part of the world you're reading this from.
Peace!
About Me
- Finley
- I am an aspiring freelance journalist, blogger, and writer. I mostly write opinion pieces about society, politics, music, and philosophy. If you're looking for any freelance work in that area, make sure to contact me via e-mail.
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
And so I return
to my intended state of being: alone. Not lonely per se, well, on some levels lonelier than before, but first- and foremost alone. Which made me realize once again the importance of respecting myself and learning to live with me being me. This is something I had always known, but sometimes abrupt changes can put that knowledge to test. The choice is whether to opt for saving your individuality, or to debase your personality in order to please. And the latter can never result in true pleasure, seeing as you'll ultimately end up alone anyway, so you better make damn sure you like who that is going to be by staying true to yourself. That sounds so easy on 'paper' but can be devastatingly hard in real life, sometimes not sticking to your actual self may seem like the right thing to do, but it never actually is. As crushing as the consequences to it may be, in the long-run not straying from your psychological make-up will prove itself to make you much happier than twisting yourself into the shell of a person you're not. But well, Hunter S. Thompson formulated essentially this much better than I possibly could:
"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness"
(From: The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967)
Which says it all, doesn't it? However many people you impress in your lifetime, however many seemingly meaningful love- and friendship relations you enter, however many admirers you surround yourself with, you are always trapped in your own mind with yourself, completely alone. There is no escaping that fact, which is why a strong personality is the largest and single-most valuable asset you'll ever have. And you need to be able to live with yourself and by yourself, otherwise you'll succumb to the illusion of needing an anchor in the troubled waters of your being, and at some point that anchor you had been relying on won't hold you anymore and you'll have to navigate on your own - and if you're not in tune with yourself, if you don't accept and respect yourself, you are going to fail and drown.
Beware of not confusing debasing your personality with adapting or improving parts of it though. It is fallacious to assume that you can't change certain shallow parts of yourself in order to be more appealing or suitable for certain people or situations. But once you go about trying to change the very core of what makes a specific individual just that you're asking for trouble. In multiple ways. "People don't change", as Gregory House once put it, and once you've realized you're ultimately going to stay who you are and started to accept that fact your entire life and way of dealing with people and issues will change for the better. Because you'll be able to focus on your innermost ambitions and desires without trying to fit any expectations that have been set for the facade you had created for those around you. It is crucial for actually attaining a certain feeling of contentedness in your life that you realize that as early as possible in order to avoid having an epiphany at age 50 and suddenly trying to establish yourself as a porn-star because you realized how much of a player/slut you actually are and that you could have turned your nymphomania into money. Which might be an extreme example, but you get my drift. You'll always have regrets in your life. Just try not having to regret the way of life you chose or the kind of field you're working in. As I said in an earlier post you don't need to work as anything you terribly enjoy as long as it's a mean to an end. But if you only do what you do to adhere to outside pressure and only act the way you act because you let your actual personality be crushed by those pressures you're gonna have a bad time, to reference South Park once again. And well, you can all imagine the dire situations you might find yourself in when your adapted personality encounters something that the actual personality despises; those convinced of the adapted version will be in for a rude awakening and you yourself will realize that you actually had yourself fooled. Which is a hurtful realization that you want to avoid. Trust me on this.
It is a hard walk to walk, that walk of self-realization and respect without any compromises. Is it worth walking? Fuck if I know. Certainly doesn't feel like it from time to time. But in regard to the future I assume that it is. At least I know that I won't look back at my life at some point and realize that I haven't done what I wanted and needed throughout it, I won't have regrets because I didn't stay true to myself, no, I'll look back at my life and know that although what I did was not always right I always made calls based purely on my own perception and ideas, not falling for the fallacy of trying to conform. And I like to think that that is something to be proud of. Now I may be wrong. But I can not for the life of me figure out how I could be in this case, so I'll just assume that I'm not.
The loneliness mentioned earlier that I feel at the moment is not as crushingly weighing on me as I thought it would be though. I have grown to accept being alone in the end, and I have grown to accept that my personality is not suitable for togetherness per se anyway, and I have also grown to accept myself as being myself; therefore being alone, or lonely for that matter, does not seems de facto bad to me. Because as I said at the beginning of this post: being alone is my intended state of being. I believe I was never meant to be an actual part of social intertwining that goes beyond casual conversation with platonic partners. And whilst this rule has seen its exceptions, it was only proven true by them. This is a pattern that I have often recognized throughout my life, and albeit being technically too young to actually say anything like that with certainty yet I can say that I have almost 20 years worth of anecdotal proof to base this assumption on - and the pattern has shown its consistency throughout that time. But I decided to not wallow in self-loathing because of it, and rather to embrace solitude as an inevitable constant in my being; I accepted it. And having done so, exceptions like the ones mentioned feel even more extraordinary simply because the absolute dependance on them for happiness is out of the picture, therefore the focus can be switched to just being happy. And when the rule strikes again, the happiness may fade but it won't be replaced with soul-crushing depression. Rather with the well-known and embraced feeling of solitude discussed earlier. And that is a lot better than the first-mentioned emotion, because when the solitude you've gotten used to hits it won't be a moment of losing all hold and drowning, but rather a moment of what you had expected anyway "finally" happening. Yeah the realization of having been right all along once again hurts, but in the long-run it's less debasing and hurtful to your inner core than the alternative of believing that the exceptions are supposed to be the status quo and not the other way around. That is of course a really depressing way of seeing things at first, but it's ultimately more honest to yourself and those you enter whatever kinds of relationships with. The only thing that finally remains depressing about it is seeing those that have not and somehow can not accept this in their own lives, and take each set-back like it's the end of their emotional being, which at some point is just sad to see. Especially because it reminds me of myself back when I didn't see myself for who I am, and life for what it is, and was heavily dependent on others for my well-being. But well, to each his own. I guess what I am just trying to do here is show you how much value for your life respecting and sticking to yourself actually holds. My goal is not to turn you off the idea of relationships and togetherness though mind you - I am just saying that you are going to end up alone anyway, so you'll have to see to it that you're walking your own path because walking a path someone else sets for you will lead you to a destination you might not like anymore when that someone is gone. So I am essentially trying to warn you, you can consider this post to be a word of caution. Or rather a piece of advice. However you want to put it, it's just something to keep in mind when living your life and binding yourself to others emotionally.
Like death, solitude is an inevitable fact of that great journey that we decided to call 'life' for whatever reason -- it's really just a process of growing and decaying if you look at it -- and it is also one of those things that people tend to have a hard time accepting as the inevitability that it is. So for the same reason that artist create entertainment to reach a sort of immortality, couples get married in order to reach an eternal togetherness. Both of which do not work per se. You'll end up in a box 6-feet under no matter what, just like you'll ultimately be alone no matter what. The obvious question at hand now is if these ways of immortalizing yourself or your coupling are completely useless in the face of aforementioned inevitability. Well, no, not really. Although the body decays part of the mind will remain in an artists' works, just like loneliness will be alleviated by marriage and if it actually lasted until death did them part the consecrated union will also be remember long beyond the demise of the weds. And whilst that knowledge will not ease the finality of death or being alone, it will provide solace in that moment. Or at least I think so. Maybe at some point when I'm wiser and I'm older I'll know with a fair amount of certainty. But I doubt it to be honest, I think one can never truly know in ones lifetime. Not that it really matter in daily decisions, otherwise we'd spent hours deciding if leaving the house in the morning is the right thing to do. But still. There is an omnipresent wondering about that moment of drawing ones final breath. And understandably so. I mean, if we all just knew how it felt to die and what came afterwards, we would either all commit suicide or start living a pedantically healthy, almost hypochondriac lifestyle. Both of which would be extremely counterproductive to society. Which is also why this very tangent doesn't provide much room for discussion or interpretation, because I can not talk about the feeling of death, or the feeling of ultimately being alone, simply because I have not reached that point in my life yet. Not by a long shot actually. And whilst of course being able to formulate my theoretical thoughts about it like I did above, I don't want to get into it much further. At least not for now and definitely not soberly.
Hah, a lot of line of thoughts come down to this in my posts, don't they? But when I'm in a state of mind altered enough to completely think these things through, my motor skills are mostly too impaired to write the thoughts down, making this whole thing extremely difficult. Should I manage to walk that thin line between being creative and able to write, and just being too fucked up to get anything done I will surely produce great insights full of wisdom. But until then I will keep on telling you which topics I can't write about in sobriety.
Which basically concludes today's post, and well I hope you've learned a thing or two, or have at least been inspired to think about things a little differently by the words above. And in this light I will leave you with some great music, as always:
50 Cent - When It Rains It Pours
-> I have said before that 50 will appear here some more from time to time, and well here we go. The song is so fucking dope, and that's really the only proper way to put it. The beat and the guitar-lick in it combined with 50's unique voice make for an awesome tune to say the least, and the scene in the movie is amazingly fitting, so... Enjoy!
Fort Minor - Cigarettes
-> It's just like a cigarette it's something that I do once in a while but between me and you, it's just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled, I don't want the truth I just want to feel cool... Great song, deep meaning, reflecting the hypocrisy and lack of integrity that is omnipresent in today's musical industry, and well I like Fort Minor in general, so... Enjoy!
Swedish House Mafia - One (Original Mix)
-> If you only know this melody because of the version with the vocals, shame on you! This is the real version of this song, and it's fucking enthralling, the way it builds up with just a few notes to an epic melodic journey. I have heard this song first in 2010 shortly after its first release I believe, and have enjoyed it ever since. Without the vocals mind you. I don't have any problem with Pharrell Williams or his music per se, but he completely ruined this great song in my opinion. But this version is as awesome as it gets, so... Enjoy!
Hadouken! - Levitate (Koven Remix)
-> Whilst browsing through the UKF Dubstep channel on Youtube, I re-discovered this gem that I first heard about half a year ago during my summer break I think. Starts with beautiful vocals that slowly rise to an awesomely epic drop at about a minute ten in, and it's all in all just a great tune, so... Enjoy!
Metallica - Seek And Destroy
-> I have a T-shirt of the "Kill'Em All" album and I extremely enjoy this song, which is why I had to share it with you. And well, it's a classic tune from a classic album from one of the most commercially successful Metal bands to date, although it's exactly that that ruined them after the first four albums they released, but this is a different topic, and this tune is fucking awesome, so... Enjoy!
Exodus - The Toxic Waltz
-> I am somehow feeling classic, timeless metal tunes today, and so I could not help but feature this great great song from the album "Fabulous Disaster" which I don't personally own. But that's the song that introduced me to Exodus and enticed me to buy the "Bonded by Blood" Album a few years ago. Well, this is an amazing and funny song, great guitar playing, great vocals, just a great piece of thrash metal, so... Enjoy!
Well, this entry was somewhat on the darker side again, pretty sinister and depressing topic to be honest, but when I started composing it I was in a comparable mood. Still am to some extent, but well you know why it's only to some extent and not an extreme weight dragging me down. Anyway, I hope this post was enjoyable despite its negative topic. I mean, it's not like I've been thoroughly positive in my previous postings. And you should have gotten used to a certain degree of slightly pessimistic cynicism in my writing and thinking. In my thinking, that I am only actually revealing here come to think of it, I am much more passive in everyday dialogues than the thoughts expressed here would suggest.
But enough of this, I am tired.
Peace!
"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness"
(From: The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967)
Which says it all, doesn't it? However many people you impress in your lifetime, however many seemingly meaningful love- and friendship relations you enter, however many admirers you surround yourself with, you are always trapped in your own mind with yourself, completely alone. There is no escaping that fact, which is why a strong personality is the largest and single-most valuable asset you'll ever have. And you need to be able to live with yourself and by yourself, otherwise you'll succumb to the illusion of needing an anchor in the troubled waters of your being, and at some point that anchor you had been relying on won't hold you anymore and you'll have to navigate on your own - and if you're not in tune with yourself, if you don't accept and respect yourself, you are going to fail and drown.
Beware of not confusing debasing your personality with adapting or improving parts of it though. It is fallacious to assume that you can't change certain shallow parts of yourself in order to be more appealing or suitable for certain people or situations. But once you go about trying to change the very core of what makes a specific individual just that you're asking for trouble. In multiple ways. "People don't change", as Gregory House once put it, and once you've realized you're ultimately going to stay who you are and started to accept that fact your entire life and way of dealing with people and issues will change for the better. Because you'll be able to focus on your innermost ambitions and desires without trying to fit any expectations that have been set for the facade you had created for those around you. It is crucial for actually attaining a certain feeling of contentedness in your life that you realize that as early as possible in order to avoid having an epiphany at age 50 and suddenly trying to establish yourself as a porn-star because you realized how much of a player/slut you actually are and that you could have turned your nymphomania into money. Which might be an extreme example, but you get my drift. You'll always have regrets in your life. Just try not having to regret the way of life you chose or the kind of field you're working in. As I said in an earlier post you don't need to work as anything you terribly enjoy as long as it's a mean to an end. But if you only do what you do to adhere to outside pressure and only act the way you act because you let your actual personality be crushed by those pressures you're gonna have a bad time, to reference South Park once again. And well, you can all imagine the dire situations you might find yourself in when your adapted personality encounters something that the actual personality despises; those convinced of the adapted version will be in for a rude awakening and you yourself will realize that you actually had yourself fooled. Which is a hurtful realization that you want to avoid. Trust me on this.
It is a hard walk to walk, that walk of self-realization and respect without any compromises. Is it worth walking? Fuck if I know. Certainly doesn't feel like it from time to time. But in regard to the future I assume that it is. At least I know that I won't look back at my life at some point and realize that I haven't done what I wanted and needed throughout it, I won't have regrets because I didn't stay true to myself, no, I'll look back at my life and know that although what I did was not always right I always made calls based purely on my own perception and ideas, not falling for the fallacy of trying to conform. And I like to think that that is something to be proud of. Now I may be wrong. But I can not for the life of me figure out how I could be in this case, so I'll just assume that I'm not.
The loneliness mentioned earlier that I feel at the moment is not as crushingly weighing on me as I thought it would be though. I have grown to accept being alone in the end, and I have grown to accept that my personality is not suitable for togetherness per se anyway, and I have also grown to accept myself as being myself; therefore being alone, or lonely for that matter, does not seems de facto bad to me. Because as I said at the beginning of this post: being alone is my intended state of being. I believe I was never meant to be an actual part of social intertwining that goes beyond casual conversation with platonic partners. And whilst this rule has seen its exceptions, it was only proven true by them. This is a pattern that I have often recognized throughout my life, and albeit being technically too young to actually say anything like that with certainty yet I can say that I have almost 20 years worth of anecdotal proof to base this assumption on - and the pattern has shown its consistency throughout that time. But I decided to not wallow in self-loathing because of it, and rather to embrace solitude as an inevitable constant in my being; I accepted it. And having done so, exceptions like the ones mentioned feel even more extraordinary simply because the absolute dependance on them for happiness is out of the picture, therefore the focus can be switched to just being happy. And when the rule strikes again, the happiness may fade but it won't be replaced with soul-crushing depression. Rather with the well-known and embraced feeling of solitude discussed earlier. And that is a lot better than the first-mentioned emotion, because when the solitude you've gotten used to hits it won't be a moment of losing all hold and drowning, but rather a moment of what you had expected anyway "finally" happening. Yeah the realization of having been right all along once again hurts, but in the long-run it's less debasing and hurtful to your inner core than the alternative of believing that the exceptions are supposed to be the status quo and not the other way around. That is of course a really depressing way of seeing things at first, but it's ultimately more honest to yourself and those you enter whatever kinds of relationships with. The only thing that finally remains depressing about it is seeing those that have not and somehow can not accept this in their own lives, and take each set-back like it's the end of their emotional being, which at some point is just sad to see. Especially because it reminds me of myself back when I didn't see myself for who I am, and life for what it is, and was heavily dependent on others for my well-being. But well, to each his own. I guess what I am just trying to do here is show you how much value for your life respecting and sticking to yourself actually holds. My goal is not to turn you off the idea of relationships and togetherness though mind you - I am just saying that you are going to end up alone anyway, so you'll have to see to it that you're walking your own path because walking a path someone else sets for you will lead you to a destination you might not like anymore when that someone is gone. So I am essentially trying to warn you, you can consider this post to be a word of caution. Or rather a piece of advice. However you want to put it, it's just something to keep in mind when living your life and binding yourself to others emotionally.
Like death, solitude is an inevitable fact of that great journey that we decided to call 'life' for whatever reason -- it's really just a process of growing and decaying if you look at it -- and it is also one of those things that people tend to have a hard time accepting as the inevitability that it is. So for the same reason that artist create entertainment to reach a sort of immortality, couples get married in order to reach an eternal togetherness. Both of which do not work per se. You'll end up in a box 6-feet under no matter what, just like you'll ultimately be alone no matter what. The obvious question at hand now is if these ways of immortalizing yourself or your coupling are completely useless in the face of aforementioned inevitability. Well, no, not really. Although the body decays part of the mind will remain in an artists' works, just like loneliness will be alleviated by marriage and if it actually lasted until death did them part the consecrated union will also be remember long beyond the demise of the weds. And whilst that knowledge will not ease the finality of death or being alone, it will provide solace in that moment. Or at least I think so. Maybe at some point when I'm wiser and I'm older I'll know with a fair amount of certainty. But I doubt it to be honest, I think one can never truly know in ones lifetime. Not that it really matter in daily decisions, otherwise we'd spent hours deciding if leaving the house in the morning is the right thing to do. But still. There is an omnipresent wondering about that moment of drawing ones final breath. And understandably so. I mean, if we all just knew how it felt to die and what came afterwards, we would either all commit suicide or start living a pedantically healthy, almost hypochondriac lifestyle. Both of which would be extremely counterproductive to society. Which is also why this very tangent doesn't provide much room for discussion or interpretation, because I can not talk about the feeling of death, or the feeling of ultimately being alone, simply because I have not reached that point in my life yet. Not by a long shot actually. And whilst of course being able to formulate my theoretical thoughts about it like I did above, I don't want to get into it much further. At least not for now and definitely not soberly.
Hah, a lot of line of thoughts come down to this in my posts, don't they? But when I'm in a state of mind altered enough to completely think these things through, my motor skills are mostly too impaired to write the thoughts down, making this whole thing extremely difficult. Should I manage to walk that thin line between being creative and able to write, and just being too fucked up to get anything done I will surely produce great insights full of wisdom. But until then I will keep on telling you which topics I can't write about in sobriety.
Which basically concludes today's post, and well I hope you've learned a thing or two, or have at least been inspired to think about things a little differently by the words above. And in this light I will leave you with some great music, as always:
50 Cent - When It Rains It Pours
-> I have said before that 50 will appear here some more from time to time, and well here we go. The song is so fucking dope, and that's really the only proper way to put it. The beat and the guitar-lick in it combined with 50's unique voice make for an awesome tune to say the least, and the scene in the movie is amazingly fitting, so... Enjoy!
Fort Minor - Cigarettes
-> It's just like a cigarette it's something that I do once in a while but between me and you, it's just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled, I don't want the truth I just want to feel cool... Great song, deep meaning, reflecting the hypocrisy and lack of integrity that is omnipresent in today's musical industry, and well I like Fort Minor in general, so... Enjoy!
Swedish House Mafia - One (Original Mix)
-> If you only know this melody because of the version with the vocals, shame on you! This is the real version of this song, and it's fucking enthralling, the way it builds up with just a few notes to an epic melodic journey. I have heard this song first in 2010 shortly after its first release I believe, and have enjoyed it ever since. Without the vocals mind you. I don't have any problem with Pharrell Williams or his music per se, but he completely ruined this great song in my opinion. But this version is as awesome as it gets, so... Enjoy!
Hadouken! - Levitate (Koven Remix)
-> Whilst browsing through the UKF Dubstep channel on Youtube, I re-discovered this gem that I first heard about half a year ago during my summer break I think. Starts with beautiful vocals that slowly rise to an awesomely epic drop at about a minute ten in, and it's all in all just a great tune, so... Enjoy!
Metallica - Seek And Destroy
-> I have a T-shirt of the "Kill'Em All" album and I extremely enjoy this song, which is why I had to share it with you. And well, it's a classic tune from a classic album from one of the most commercially successful Metal bands to date, although it's exactly that that ruined them after the first four albums they released, but this is a different topic, and this tune is fucking awesome, so... Enjoy!
Exodus - The Toxic Waltz
-> I am somehow feeling classic, timeless metal tunes today, and so I could not help but feature this great great song from the album "Fabulous Disaster" which I don't personally own. But that's the song that introduced me to Exodus and enticed me to buy the "Bonded by Blood" Album a few years ago. Well, this is an amazing and funny song, great guitar playing, great vocals, just a great piece of thrash metal, so... Enjoy!
Well, this entry was somewhat on the darker side again, pretty sinister and depressing topic to be honest, but when I started composing it I was in a comparable mood. Still am to some extent, but well you know why it's only to some extent and not an extreme weight dragging me down. Anyway, I hope this post was enjoyable despite its negative topic. I mean, it's not like I've been thoroughly positive in my previous postings. And you should have gotten used to a certain degree of slightly pessimistic cynicism in my writing and thinking. In my thinking, that I am only actually revealing here come to think of it, I am much more passive in everyday dialogues than the thoughts expressed here would suggest.
But enough of this, I am tired.
Peace!
Friday, February 14, 2014
For the first time
since the creation of this blog, I have actually been inspired by my readers for a post. Not by the poll of course, which only yielded one single fucking vote (that I personally saw being cast by the way), but by the amount of page views. Exactly, simply by the number of people having accessed this page today. The last few days have been quiet, with mostly less than 10 or even close to zero people viewing the blog, and all of a sudden this number rose to almost thirty today, the day before Valentines Day.
I mean, seriously? Who would be desperate enough to actually want to hear my ramblings a day before that? That's like asking for a nice push towards suicidal thoughts for all of the mentally unstable and clinically depressed people that I imagine actually reading this.
But, as unfortunate at it may be to the fans of my cynical streak, I actually don't have any dark thoughts about it looming in my mind this year, because I actually have someone to spend this day with for the first time ever.
And shit, I am excited about it! It feels like being wrapped into a nice worn blanket woven from caring wool, and then being served a nice cup of hot chocolate covered in loving cream, all whilst snuggling up with an amazing person and watching ones favorite movie! It's exhilarating! It just feels good to wake up in the morning and know that you're not lonely anymore.
Don't get me wrong though, I am still thoroughly despised by the commercial exploitation of the greatest human feeling for cheap profits and phony rituals that completely differ from the actual concept of love and relationships, dragging you into a cliched, disney-like fairytale that always ends in a rude awakening due to the fact that it has lost all touch with real life. Of course, true love is an outer-worldly feeling that is damn near impossible to describe in any way, and being in love with someone as amazing as I am makes your life seem like somewhat of a BS fairytale, but by no means should it be degraded to those cheap fucking bullshit lies that are offered each and every Valentines Day again, pandering to the lowest denominator available to the gullible wanna-be romeos of modern day wanna-be romances.
Am I not a cynical asshole at times? Happily in a relationship and still bitching about the negative sides of Valentines Day. But what can I say, these things tend to piss me off, and I tend to vent about stuff here, so yeah.
And isn't it kind of disgusting how companies target exactly the kind of people who are prone to deception on any given the day of the year, and are of course even more so when it comes to emotional decisions? And isn't it even more disgusting that e-dating services specifically target those poor lonely souls out there still looking for a better half? These poor saps are being taken on a ride in the days surrounding the holiday of love, and that is just not fucking cool.
I mean usually I would say that if you're actually susceptible to those kind of blatant corporate lies it's your own damn fault. But when it comes to these kind of extreme emotions it's just too much, that kind of shit can drive people crazy, trust me, I know from personal experience the adverse effects emotions can have on ones life, and toying with that stuff should be off-limits.
But as always, money will prevail, and the market is enormous, because love is universal. Everybody loves, even those that say they don't, even those that themselves think they don't. It's somehow deeply rooted into our being, and I mean beyond the natural instinct to reproduce. Something inside our minds, programmed into our mental makeup, compels us to search for a better half, a 'soul-mate' if you will, someone who completes our faults and makes us strive to elevate the status quo to the illustrious "Cloud 9", to the highest of heights, making our spirits soar, and illuminating mind and soul alike.
I am getting somewhat lost in thought here. I am not even sure if I had a central point I wanted to address, or if I had one and simply forgot it while writing this entry.
But I guess one point I wanted to make is that I am kind of flattered that the views for my page suddenly peaked before a day like Valentines Day, which is a day on which one could definitely expect me to be ranting about, as I sort of did already.
And this already brings me to my second point, which is that despite my unkind words about the corporate bullshit that happens on Valentines Day, I am still actually looking forward to it this year, because, as mentioned earlier, I have a special someone to share it with for the first time in my life, and because of that I can not remain as cynically negative about the whole thing as I would have been before. And that is actually good! I even feel healthier because I have been feeling happier, which again proves the superiority of the mind over the body it inhabits.
Happiness is a funny thing, especially when it stems from love, and especially on this day. Bear in mind my last post as I say this though, I am looking through rose-tainted glasses at the moment, but I actually don't feel like taking them off, which is amazing, and really makes me gain a sense of child-like wonder and anticipation about the future once again. But, as I said, bear in mind my last post as you read these words. The world hasn't changed, the same shit is going on, it's just my perception of it that has changed - because of love, and for the better - but still, just my perception was altered. This alteration is in itself simply amazing though, feels like a warm tingling sensation slowly moving from my stomach throughout my entire body, surrounding me in a warm glowing field of positive sensations that are too surreal to be put into words and induce a trance of happiness and loving emotions culminating into three little words that need to be said twice by two in order to mean anything at all.
As you all have noticed by now I am in a really good mood, and tomorrow will for once not be a wallowing day of red wine and generic sleeping pills and painkillers, and that is really awesomely amazing!
In this light, here's some music...:
Snoop Dogg - It's you I adore
-> Well, since it's Valentines Day I also have to acknowledge my earliest love - Miss Mary Jane, and there is no song that describes the feeling like this beautiful piece of music by Snoop Dogg... Enjoy! :)
Meat Loaf - I would do anything for love
-> First off, this is an epically amazing track filled with beautiful emotions, and Meat Loaf's voice is fucking awesome and the music itself is also breathtaking, all in all a marvelous song! But what I have always wondered - what the hell is "that"? What the fuck is he talking about? If anyone knows feel free to contact me in any way you see fit, I need to know this!
Adventure Club - Need Your Heart (feat. Kai)
-> An unbelievably beautiful and heavy song by Adventure Club, the epic and soft vocals slowly rising up to form a sound wave that crashes in your ears like on a steep shore of a tropical islands, leaving you exhausted, but happy... Enjoy! :)
Twisted Sister - We're not gonna take it
-> This is such a classic, it had to be put on here at some point, and this is just as good a time as any. The video is rib-crushingly funny, the music and the message is awesome, and albeit their questionable look, Twisted Sister made awesome music that is still as relevant today as it was back then!
Busta Rhymes - Gimme Some More
-> Another hilarious video. Busta Rhymes is one sick mofo, but that is what makes him such a genius, and his flow has always been out of this world, making him the an extremely complete MC, although I have to say that I wish he would still be doing this style of music instead of his new rapping as fast as possible style, which is is still insane don't get me wrong, but I preferred it when he was still humorous and creative like in this song... Enjoy!
Dj Fresh - Gold Dust (Flux Pavilion Remix)
-> You all know damn well how much I adore Flux's music, and I just heard this song a couple of times in a playlist I was listening to while typing this post, and I am pretty sure I have not put it anywhere on this blog yet, so I figured it's about time I did... Great song by a great artist! Enjoy! :)
Btw, the date changed while I was writing this, so somewhere around the beginning of the post I am still referring to today being the day before Valentines Day, and somewhere around the middle I am talking about it being today, which happened because I took a whole lot longer to finish typing this entry than I had expected. But well, what don't I do for you guys? :D
Anyway, happy valentines day to all of those who want to hear it this year, and to all of those who don't just remember my previous post.
Peace!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Hello my dear readers,
How are you today?
The reason I am asking you this is quite simply that I am actually happy. Yes, you heard, right I am fucking happy. Like in the god damn Pharrell Williams song. I haven't been truly happy in a long time, so this is huge.
I mean I can remember and assess most minor and major events and interactions that led to the emotion of happiness I am feeling at the moment, but today really is the culmination, or climax so to say, of all of the aforementioned, and it feels great. I can actually smile about stupid ass shit and act like a fucking moron without feeling like one at the moment, which, if you look at it the way I do is actually the downside to happiness. Being happy makes you stupid, and as fucked up as that may sound, it is still very true. Well not entirely maybe. The stupidity arising from happiness that I mean is the glorification of everything that's happening around me, which only occurs when I'm happy, e.g.:
The annoying ass bum from around the corner is asking me for change again? Great, he remembered my name, and just smells like pee today, not like pee and poo as usually!
Some annoying asshole is spouting off stupid ass things? At least he's trying to talk about something important, let's leave him be!
People seems to be more stupid than ever? Well I am not becoming dumber, so they're probably not either, I must be imagining things!
I mean, yeah, ignorance is bliss, but why is it that happiness is almost as blinding towards reality as love? Why the fuck do we tend to put on our rose-tainted glasses every single time we have an increased release of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine in our brain?
Maybe I just answered my own question with that, but still, although I do like being happy, I hate the fact that my surroundings become somewhat deluded as soon as I am, like I'm reaching the end of a very long drinking binge and can not be sure anymore as to whether things are as they seem, or just seem differently to me because of my temporary mental instability.
So, the conclusion that inevitably has to be drawn is that happiness (and love for that matter, but that's a whole other topic that will get its own post at some point) deceives you into seeing the same reality with a pink distortion and a big fucking smile, making you very susceptible to people that have learned to spot that behavior and exploiting it by pretending to be feeling the same emotions that are based purely on chemical reactions within our primitive cerebrum driven by lesser desires. Hence my constant cynicism and loathing. I want to be kept in the factual world as long as possible, the emotionally tainted world view is just something that slowly grinds down my brain to a gooey mass of oh so happy thoughts and primitive satisfaction up to a point of no return, up to the point of me becoming a happily following duckling, running after an useless, old, rubber boot without ever questioning things, because - hey - after all I'm happy, right?
But still, like hard drugs, happiness in moderation is fine. And seeing as today has been the first day for a large number of days that I am actually happy, I think I'll be alright.
So, let's focus on that for a second: I am actually happy. How this came into being, you ask? Well, I'm not going to discuss every little detail here, this is a public platform after all, but in the past weeks a few events transpired and choices were made that all led to a pretty awesome time lately, finally culminating into the resonating happiness that I feel today. Resonating from when, isn't today the first happy day for a long time, you ask? Well, sometimes it takes a day or two to actually realize that something made you really happy, and when that realization hits you, the rose-tainted glasses magically appear and you're fucking stupid for a while. Then, luckily, these feelings slowly fade like a withering flower in order to decay and decompose, thereby becoming nutrients for a new flower and new feelings, completing the circle of... well, happiness I guess.
Anyway, of course not only transpiring events led to my being happy, people were also a factor in that, but seeing as none of you really know my personal life, friends, etc. (and I intend to keep it that way), I will not go into any detail here.
Yeah I know, writing a post about me being happy and then giving essentially no reasons, but only clues to reasons as to why that is, is kind of a dick move towards you guys, but if you knew aforementioned details you would understand why I am not sharing this in its entirety to a worldwide audience. Actually those of you with a functioning brain will be able to put some of the pieces together, so there should be an approximate picture of what happened forming in your minds. And if not, that's even better.
I don't know what it all means anyway. I can be happy today, but tomorrow I will wake up once again to the sound of waves of shit that are slowly but steadily dissolving my will to fight the good fight day after day, I will once again wake up to a cynical outlook on a dying planet inhabited by a population that's slowly rotting from the inside of its own values, structures and concepts. I mean, that's what I am hearing and looking at now too, but I am alright with it, i.e. I ignore it, simply because I feel too damn happy to care about anything else at the moment, for the time being.
But I know that that will change soon enough, so I am enjoying it while it lasts, while I can still ignore the constant beating against my temples caused by the same fucking waves that are trying to break my will each and every day.
I guess what I would say summing up is that happiness is fine, happiness is fun, but try to remember what you thought about things prior to being really happy and be wary of the differences you will notice, and realize that they're just delusions created by your insufferably happy brain.
And also that I am happy today and mildly experiencing those delusions. Just wanted to say that for the record.
And I think I'll leave you guys with these thoughts, and, of course, as always some good music...:
Gus Black - Paranoid
-> awesome acoustic remake of the original Sabbath song, I first heard this version whilst watching "Californication", which, if you haven't seen it yet, is definitely a series worth watching, the main character is incredibly cool, and the whole storyline just has this raw, a little crazy undertone that makes the whole show amazing!
DVBBS & Borgeous - Tsunami
-> this song is not really in any genre that I usually listen to, I'd classify it as jump- or hard-style to be honest, but I am not sure about it. Anyway, I heard this song during the "Nature One" festival in 2013 and just found out its name a couple of days ago, and am now really stoked that I know it, so it needed to be shared... Enjoy!
Hobbie Stuart - Still Here (Gemini Remix)
-> I don't know 'Hobbie Stuart', or the original song for that matter, but this remix is jaw-dropping, awesome, and all in all, once again, musical excellence and genius infused into an amazing mix that manages to very heavy and very melodically beautiful at the same time, just great!!
Warron Zevon - My shit's fucked up
-> Another song taken from aforementioned series, "Californication", which essentially sums up the feeling I get every time I start recovering from a long drinking, smoking, and drug binge... "My shit's fucked up"... Great song, pretty chill actually, pretty deep here and there too, so all in all an awesome piece of music!
Keizer - Wacht
-> well, I don't speak Dutch, but from the few words I do think to understand I would say that this a representing track, and Keizer is most definitely a fucking beast when it comes to rapping... Great beat, great rap, great artist, 'nuff said!
Sinik - Une époque formidable
-> This is such a great, deeply reflecting track about Sinik's past and background, him growing up and so forth. He is all in all a rather famous rapper in France, and I have been listening to him since 2006, so I really connect a lot of memories to this track, and to him in general. Enjoy!
Guns'n'Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
-> Amazing song, amazing group, amazing voice, amazing guitar, amazing everything, I have literally zero complaints about this song, except that it's too short maybe. Great, great track I have also listened to a lot in my past, making it somewhat special to me as well... Enjoy!
So, in a happy and positive mood for once, I'll say goodbye to all of you who actually take the time to read this! :)
Peace!
P.S.: NOT A SINGLE VOTE has gone in yet concerning the layout... Which is really not cool, it takes like two fucking seconds, please spare them to help me make this blog as interesting as possible! Thank you!!
The reason I am asking you this is quite simply that I am actually happy. Yes, you heard, right I am fucking happy. Like in the god damn Pharrell Williams song. I haven't been truly happy in a long time, so this is huge.
I mean I can remember and assess most minor and major events and interactions that led to the emotion of happiness I am feeling at the moment, but today really is the culmination, or climax so to say, of all of the aforementioned, and it feels great. I can actually smile about stupid ass shit and act like a fucking moron without feeling like one at the moment, which, if you look at it the way I do is actually the downside to happiness. Being happy makes you stupid, and as fucked up as that may sound, it is still very true. Well not entirely maybe. The stupidity arising from happiness that I mean is the glorification of everything that's happening around me, which only occurs when I'm happy, e.g.:
The annoying ass bum from around the corner is asking me for change again? Great, he remembered my name, and just smells like pee today, not like pee and poo as usually!
Some annoying asshole is spouting off stupid ass things? At least he's trying to talk about something important, let's leave him be!
People seems to be more stupid than ever? Well I am not becoming dumber, so they're probably not either, I must be imagining things!
I mean, yeah, ignorance is bliss, but why is it that happiness is almost as blinding towards reality as love? Why the fuck do we tend to put on our rose-tainted glasses every single time we have an increased release of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine in our brain?
Maybe I just answered my own question with that, but still, although I do like being happy, I hate the fact that my surroundings become somewhat deluded as soon as I am, like I'm reaching the end of a very long drinking binge and can not be sure anymore as to whether things are as they seem, or just seem differently to me because of my temporary mental instability.
So, the conclusion that inevitably has to be drawn is that happiness (and love for that matter, but that's a whole other topic that will get its own post at some point) deceives you into seeing the same reality with a pink distortion and a big fucking smile, making you very susceptible to people that have learned to spot that behavior and exploiting it by pretending to be feeling the same emotions that are based purely on chemical reactions within our primitive cerebrum driven by lesser desires. Hence my constant cynicism and loathing. I want to be kept in the factual world as long as possible, the emotionally tainted world view is just something that slowly grinds down my brain to a gooey mass of oh so happy thoughts and primitive satisfaction up to a point of no return, up to the point of me becoming a happily following duckling, running after an useless, old, rubber boot without ever questioning things, because - hey - after all I'm happy, right?
But still, like hard drugs, happiness in moderation is fine. And seeing as today has been the first day for a large number of days that I am actually happy, I think I'll be alright.
So, let's focus on that for a second: I am actually happy. How this came into being, you ask? Well, I'm not going to discuss every little detail here, this is a public platform after all, but in the past weeks a few events transpired and choices were made that all led to a pretty awesome time lately, finally culminating into the resonating happiness that I feel today. Resonating from when, isn't today the first happy day for a long time, you ask? Well, sometimes it takes a day or two to actually realize that something made you really happy, and when that realization hits you, the rose-tainted glasses magically appear and you're fucking stupid for a while. Then, luckily, these feelings slowly fade like a withering flower in order to decay and decompose, thereby becoming nutrients for a new flower and new feelings, completing the circle of... well, happiness I guess.
Anyway, of course not only transpiring events led to my being happy, people were also a factor in that, but seeing as none of you really know my personal life, friends, etc. (and I intend to keep it that way), I will not go into any detail here.
Yeah I know, writing a post about me being happy and then giving essentially no reasons, but only clues to reasons as to why that is, is kind of a dick move towards you guys, but if you knew aforementioned details you would understand why I am not sharing this in its entirety to a worldwide audience. Actually those of you with a functioning brain will be able to put some of the pieces together, so there should be an approximate picture of what happened forming in your minds. And if not, that's even better.
I don't know what it all means anyway. I can be happy today, but tomorrow I will wake up once again to the sound of waves of shit that are slowly but steadily dissolving my will to fight the good fight day after day, I will once again wake up to a cynical outlook on a dying planet inhabited by a population that's slowly rotting from the inside of its own values, structures and concepts. I mean, that's what I am hearing and looking at now too, but I am alright with it, i.e. I ignore it, simply because I feel too damn happy to care about anything else at the moment, for the time being.
But I know that that will change soon enough, so I am enjoying it while it lasts, while I can still ignore the constant beating against my temples caused by the same fucking waves that are trying to break my will each and every day.
I guess what I would say summing up is that happiness is fine, happiness is fun, but try to remember what you thought about things prior to being really happy and be wary of the differences you will notice, and realize that they're just delusions created by your insufferably happy brain.
And also that I am happy today and mildly experiencing those delusions. Just wanted to say that for the record.
And I think I'll leave you guys with these thoughts, and, of course, as always some good music...:
Gus Black - Paranoid
-> awesome acoustic remake of the original Sabbath song, I first heard this version whilst watching "Californication", which, if you haven't seen it yet, is definitely a series worth watching, the main character is incredibly cool, and the whole storyline just has this raw, a little crazy undertone that makes the whole show amazing!
DVBBS & Borgeous - Tsunami
-> this song is not really in any genre that I usually listen to, I'd classify it as jump- or hard-style to be honest, but I am not sure about it. Anyway, I heard this song during the "Nature One" festival in 2013 and just found out its name a couple of days ago, and am now really stoked that I know it, so it needed to be shared... Enjoy!
Hobbie Stuart - Still Here (Gemini Remix)
-> I don't know 'Hobbie Stuart', or the original song for that matter, but this remix is jaw-dropping, awesome, and all in all, once again, musical excellence and genius infused into an amazing mix that manages to very heavy and very melodically beautiful at the same time, just great!!
Warron Zevon - My shit's fucked up
-> Another song taken from aforementioned series, "Californication", which essentially sums up the feeling I get every time I start recovering from a long drinking, smoking, and drug binge... "My shit's fucked up"... Great song, pretty chill actually, pretty deep here and there too, so all in all an awesome piece of music!
Keizer - Wacht
-> well, I don't speak Dutch, but from the few words I do think to understand I would say that this a representing track, and Keizer is most definitely a fucking beast when it comes to rapping... Great beat, great rap, great artist, 'nuff said!
Sinik - Une époque formidable
-> This is such a great, deeply reflecting track about Sinik's past and background, him growing up and so forth. He is all in all a rather famous rapper in France, and I have been listening to him since 2006, so I really connect a lot of memories to this track, and to him in general. Enjoy!
Guns'n'Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
-> Amazing song, amazing group, amazing voice, amazing guitar, amazing everything, I have literally zero complaints about this song, except that it's too short maybe. Great, great track I have also listened to a lot in my past, making it somewhat special to me as well... Enjoy!
So, in a happy and positive mood for once, I'll say goodbye to all of you who actually take the time to read this! :)
Peace!
P.S.: NOT A SINGLE VOTE has gone in yet concerning the layout... Which is really not cool, it takes like two fucking seconds, please spare them to help me make this blog as interesting as possible! Thank you!!
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