It's like a rollercoaster-ride

this great mystery called "life" isn't it? And I mean that in both directions. Sometimes, like myself lately, you might feel down, rock-bottom down actually, and then fate, or whatever you want to call it suddenly jolts you back up and you find yourself being happy again. Which does not last forever obviously, the fall back down always comes eventually, but it's nice to be reminded that it's usually followed by a ride back up. And well, ultimately everything evens itself out anyway. I have already discussed this though so I won't repeat that today. I am as usually writing completely at random and hoping that something interesting appears here so that I can meet the (almost-)weekly deadline I have set for myself. Deadlines are actually something I thoroughly despise and always try to somehow postpone or get around, making me somewhat pissed at myself for having set one here. But if I don't do this regularly I notice that it gets harder and harder to write creatively and even spell correctly, which impairs my ability to go on working on my novel that now already consists of almost 9000 words, and I am really eager to write as much as I can for it seeing as I really enjoy creating the protagonists life on the edge. Maybe I'll post a little sneak-preview of it here at some point to get your opinion on it and, well, to share it of course. But not today. I want to have a little more material to choose from prior to deciding what part of it to excerpt and feature here. So I will once again just stick to writing something that's hopefully entertaining for you guys. Or at least something that makes you think about things, but you all know the drill by now. Which leaves me at an impasse because I am not really thinking a whole lot at the moment, I am simply basking in the happiness that has suddenly been catapulted back into my life. I mean there is a lot going on, there's trouble brewing all around the world, which I know because I am now following every source of news imaginable on Twitter and installed two News-apps on my smartphone. That idea came to me, as you can probably imagine, whilst reading a Hunter S. Thompson book. And also because I have lately been feeling like I should work towards a profession where I would actually make money with my writing, in whatever form that may be.

And according to "wordcounter.net" the above introductory paragraph was exactly 420 words long. Isn't that awesome? I mean that that just randomly happened so close to 4/20 is just fucking amazing. It actually made me smile just now. But anyway, there will be another post around that day concerning itself with mankind's favorite plant. Probably. Today however I will be ranting about something that has drawn my into a vicious circle of being pissed about it over and over again. That something is namely my inability to write lately. And by that I don't mean that I'm suffering from "Writers block" or something similar, no I mean that I do not have the fucking time. My social circle here has expanded beyond my wildest dreams meaning that if I'm not at university I am somewhere else hanging with friends or spending time with my girlfriend, both of which lead to me being home late and exhausted, ergo unable to produce as much as a god damned predicate. Which just saddens me because I would love to spend as much time on creating sentences and paragraphs as possible. But alas, reality and its many responsibilities are always lurking behind the next corner, ambushing me whenever they see fit, and thereby preventing any kind of creative process from happening. Even now I am very limited in my time, hastily typing these words on my smartphone whilst waiting at my institution for higher education for an exam to finish so that I can go home. Not alone though mind you, which means that this entry will not be continued until late afternoon today or worst-case scenario even tomorrow morning. That would be terrible, especially after announcing this post to be appearing "within the next few days" on Facebook. What a blunt error on my part. Making promises that will probably not be holdable after all. I am however trying my best to hold them, which is why I am using these few minutes of spare time to write this. 
Being a highly social animal it is getting increasingly hard to find such moments of tranquility though. It's not only my misanthropic side speaking here; I genuinely believe that albeit longing for social recognition and interaction even us humans need a fucking break for one another from time to time. By which I do not want to demean the value of any time spent with people close to myself. Or complain about the amount of time that was spent. All I am saying is that it is essential for people to be by themselves occasionally, especially when creating art of any kind or when dealing with emotional extremes. In latter case having others around may be helpful to some, I agree, but personally I would much rather discharge myself emotionally on my own prior to talking to others and sharing my feelings. But maybe that's just me. 

Hm. The above paragraph derailed kind of quickly from "inability to write" to "breaks from social interaction". Well I guess the topics are pretty heavily interlinked after all as outlined above. If there were more of those breaks my ability to write would 'rise' again. But then again social interaction is mostly not as bad as it used to be for me. Of course there are lots of things I still find insanely annoying about it that make me want to quit society and live on a small island on my own, but all in all it's gotten better I think. Although I have to admit that my perception of the world is once again tainted in rose by the recent uplift that fate (or whatever) has given my life, meaning that that might also be the reason for me thinking that interacting with humans is not as bad as usually lately. Which is not negative per se, but just something to keep in mind whilst reading this. I was in an entirely different mood when I wrote the last entry for example. Which is pretty obvious actually. But well, as the title suggests that's how life goes. And isn't it fucking annoying that I keep coming to that conclusion? I mean, I feel like a broken CD-player repeating the same old track over and over again. And also the reason I feel fucking trapped in an ever-repeating cycle. Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy with everything at the moment. But still. There is a relentless little nagging voice inside of my brain that's enticing me to somehow try and break free from the ups-and-downs of life. If that's even possible; and I highly doubt that to be honest. It's like Karma - something you can not escape. And whilst you know me enough by now to know that I am not spiritual or religious in any way, I do believe the underlying concept of Karma to be applicable to everyday life. If you behave decently and well towards others, eventually good will come to you in some form. And well, the opposite applies too: if you behave like an asshole you'll ultimately be punished for your wicked ways in some way. And albeit having to admit that there are enough cases where this does not seem to apply, I still believe the idea of Karma to hold some truth. All the times I have behaved like an utter jerk or have hurt people it has turned around to bite me in the ass in one way or another. And whilst not every time I behaved decently has been rewarded in some way, it still is true that it does not only make you feel better about yourself but also increases the likelihood of good things coming your way. At least that's how I have experienced it so far. Mostly. There are of course also examples of times where good deeds have been completely unrequited and even led to disastrous consequences for me. In retrospect even these times have been evened out by other positive experiences that can somehow also be traced back to aforementioned consequences, so the overall concept of Karma still applies. And somehow I find solace in that fact. Because you see so many people acting like the world revolves around them, and it's just so great to 'know' that these assholes will eventually have some sort of huge "down" within their lives because of that behavior. Know is in parentheses because you can not possibly be sure of a thing like that. But at least I like to think that it is that way, and that gives me some sort of comfort when dealing with those kind of assholes.

Anyway. I am really lacking creative capabilities today. I feel somewhat drained lately. I am probably just too happy to write. Or maybe I am just lazy as fuck and am using that as an excuse for myself. Which is actually not uncommon at all; if there is a possibility to blame unproductive behavior on anything but ourselves, us humans are extremely quick to do so. And understandably so. I mean, it's easy to face being too lazy to do things you're not interested in, but when it comes to things you would actually want to do but for some reason feel unable to complete them it's a whole other story. Because, well, you want to finish these activities and reach the goals you set for yourself. And the feeling of inability that hinders the progress towards it may just stem from laziness. A laziness that is not necessarily bad though, because your inner batteries need recharging once in a while and those periods of non-productivity may lead to just that. It only becomes problematic when the non-productive periods outweigh the productive ones. And I don't necessarily mean outweigh in temporal terms. The productive periods can be a lot shorter than the non-productive ones. Some people just work better when they cram their creative span into a few frenzied days between weeks of not doing anything. Which is a perfectly valid way of working, as long as the fruits said productivity yields are big enough. Which is very subjective of course, and entirely depends on your own perception of things. For some that may be a few hundred words, for others a few hundred pages; if you're writing that is obviously. But it applies to any kind of creative process. I myself usually try to just write a little at least every other day because otherwise I lose my flow so to say and have a harder time getting stuff done the way I would want to. Which is also yet another reason this post took such a long time to be completed actually. 11 days for an entry to appear. That's a little longer than almost-weekly, but still roughly fits the scheme. Plus I doubt that anyone is really going to complain about it. 

But I am getting tired. And well, as outlined above I really think that I have exhausted my creative potential for the next couple of days, and seeing as I really need and want to continue working on my novel, I will need to be creatively active again quite soon, so I am putting a stop to this moderately interesting but hopefully still to some degree enjoyable entry, and as always leaving you with some good music to unwind:

Astronaut - Quantum (Spag Heddy Remix)
-> This is one of the songs that could probably literally make me cum. It is such an epic fucking remix of an already awesomely melodic song, and the build up to the raw drop that still manages to remain melodic throughout and thereby not destroying the charm of the original but adding a raw bite to it so to say, that makes this entire song such a perfect musical creating, so... Enjoy!

Spag Heddy - Pink Koeks
-> Well after just featuring the remix above I felt enticed to research some more songs of this guy, and stumbled upon this gem, which besides being completely fucking sick and awesome also makes me happy somehow, maybe it's the melody, I don't know, but hearing this track makes me smile, and well it's just an amazing tune, I am really liking this artist and will surely have more of his works here in later posts, so... Enjoy!

Annihilator - Alison Hell
-> This song is, as you can see at the start of the video based on a true story of a little girl who slowly fell into the depths of insanity, starting with a simple fear of boogey man. Well, besides from these sick guitar riffs that far surpass many modern-day guitarists wildest dreams, this song is extremely deep and reflects the development of Alison's mental deterioration frighteningly well. All in all a great classic, so... Enjoy!

Iron Maiden - Brave New World 
-> Although I have a certain aversion to the great Huxley novel of the same name because I was forced to deal with it in English class, it holds a great truth about what humanity's heading to, and well this song somewhat touches on that theme as well, there's lots of social criticism in there, and it's just an overall beautifully sad song that most definitely needed featuring here, so... Enjoy!

Andre Nickatina & San Quinn - Ayo for Yayo 
-> While I know neither of these artists' other songs or even background or anything at all actually, I do know how much I enjoy this song, and how fucking awesome it simply is. And of course a warning about the dangers of cocaine addiction. But that shouldn't be a nuisance, it's still a fucking great song, the beat is really chill and the guys flow fits so amazingly with it, making it an all in all awesome tune, so... Enjoy!

DMX - Where The Hood At 
-> Whilst being pretty homophobic, which is not unusual in Rap, this is still a fine-ass piece of rap music right here. D to the M to the X. I mean, you all know this song, and there is not much more I can really say. Great classic tune, so... Enjoy!

Well, this did not turn out as one of my best posts to be honest, and I do apologize for the slight lack of quality which occurred because of reasons outlined above. I will do my best to compensate for this with my next post though, and will also try and post within the next seven days instead of eleven this time. But anyway, I hope this entry was still enjoyable to you, and wish you a good night, or day, depending on which part of the world you're reading this from.


Peace! 

Food for thought

Well, firstly, I want to say that I luckily managed to get some sleep the other night after all, I passed out in front of my TV around 5:30 and slept until 11 AM, which is quite nice, and my sleep pattern returned to normal yesterday, so whatever the reason was for my sleep deprivation, it seems to have passed.

So, secondly, I have some food for thought for you guys. Have you ever wondered about the very idea of social interactions? I mean, why is it that us humans feel the need to adapt certain norms and conform to a certain way of living when coexisting in settlements? Why is it that even in western society, the individual crumbles under the creeping influence of the masses, and end ups conforming to societies demands?

Personally, I think that we are just insecure in our foundation. I believe that most people have some form of underlying inferiority complex that makes them strive to achieve a kind of social recognition, makes them pursue a life of conformity in order to be accepted into whatever community it is they find themselves in, be it at work, at home, or as a player in the societal game, which in itself is defined by conforming to what happens around you, e.g.: small talk with new acquaintances; dressing "appropriately" for certain events; following rules that undermine ones ability to think freely; not stepping out of line; keeping ones mouth shut; and so on...

But do we really need these norms, these mental regulations that we put upon ourselves just to fit in and not ruffle any feathers? Has mankind really stooped to a point where every individual is just pandering a boring, lifeless version of themselves to the mind-numbed masses? Or am I just misjudging this behavior? Is humanity maybe really just moving towards a unanimous gigantic glob of similar minded people and opinions, and I am the outcast that just perceives this as a threatening sign of worldwide conformity? I obviously can not with certainty know the answer to this, but I will work on the assumption that I am not misinterpreting what I am seeing, which does not mean that I reject the entire concept of society and social interactions, just that I am worried about the extent to which people are willing to compromise their individuality in order to conform to societal norms nowadays.

This adaption of routine. This eternal infernal loop of repetition. This conformity. It's slowly crushing against my skull like waves on a riff, and my individual personality is slowly crumbling like stone that has been washed away by centuries of relentless waves moving back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth... Isn't it sad? I mean, take a look back, not even that long ago, let's say five to ten years; what do you see? Do you remember that item of clothing or that sticker or that haircut that you did not want to get rid of? Well now you did, didn't you? And that's not even the worst part, people changing is natural, but the problem is that these things have not been replaced by equally personal or even controversial items, but rather by suits, ties and briefcases that make you look like one of the millions of ant-like creatures slowly dragging their cloned, all equally gray and dull bodies out of the gates of hell that are subway stations and ultimately reaching the rotting dark chambers that we call 'offices' in order to repeat the same relentless routine for eight to twelve hours each and every day, only to then drag themselves back to their homes, conforming, working, fitting in, functioning, and dying internally until they're nothing but an empty hollow husk of the individuals they once used to be.

Hopefully this has somewhat stimulated your mind, and gave you some things to think about or perhaps some things to rethink... Let me know!

So, this was tonight's 'food for thought', which is something I will be doing from time to time, and is, as you just read, essentially me giving my opinion on some topic that comes to mind (suggestions are always welcome!), and thereby hopefully animating you guys to think a little for yourselves!
Tonight turned out pretty sinister to be honest, I was thinking of choosing something easily digestible or even happy as a topic for the first 'food for thought', but I somehow got dragged into the whole topic of society and conformity, and that always ends up in dark sentences when I write about it.
I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless, and if you have anything to say, compliment or criticize about what I wrote here, feel free to use the comment section to do so, and I'll be sure to answer it.

So, this concludes this blog entry. But, seeing as this is "music and personal wisdom", here are some more links to some more great music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaRG0ukxYqQ
Method Man and Busta Rhymes - What's Happenin' - classic; two amazing artists; nuff said.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bED316K3CtU
B-Real, Coolio, Method Man, LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes - Hit'Em High - I'm feeling classic songs tonight, and this is another gem in that category! nuff said.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmiG-gfuqQc
Redman, Method Man and Ready Roc - Blow Treez - "This should be played at high volume, preferably in a residential neighborhood" :D Great song, great Bob Marley sample, great artists, and its about weed, what more could one ask for?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8iKWB9bRn4
Cypress Hill, Method Man and Redman - Cisco Kid - I'm really in Meth&Red mode tonight, another amazing song, taken from one of the greatest stoner movies of all times, "How High", so... nuff said?!

And, finally : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6iKbgwKHtM&list=PLFC3AC823A80FC8D9
Which is not music per se, but the "Meth&Red Show", which is really hilarious, too bad FOX had to be dicks, hindering meth and red in their creative process and ultimately leading to the shows cancellation, but the episodes that do exist are rib-crushingly funny. And if you have never seen it, you're in for a treat; and if you have, meh, maybe it's time to watch it once again? ;)

Alright, that's it for tonight, I'm going to get nice and 'relaxed', watch some cartoons and go to bed :P

Peace!