How are you today?
The reason I am asking you this is quite simply that I am actually happy. Yes, you heard, right I am fucking happy. Like in the god damn Pharrell Williams song. I haven't been truly happy in a long time, so this is huge.
I mean I can remember and assess most minor and major events and interactions that led to the emotion of happiness I am feeling at the moment, but today really is the culmination, or climax so to say, of all of the aforementioned, and it feels great. I can actually smile about stupid ass shit and act like a fucking moron without feeling like one at the moment, which, if you look at it the way I do is actually the downside to happiness. Being happy makes you stupid, and as fucked up as that may sound, it is still very true. Well not entirely maybe. The stupidity arising from happiness that I mean is the glorification of everything that's happening around me, which only occurs when I'm happy, e.g.:
The annoying ass bum from around the corner is asking me for change again? Great, he remembered my name, and just smells like pee today, not like pee and poo as usually!
Some annoying asshole is spouting off stupid ass things? At least he's trying to talk about something important, let's leave him be!
People seems to be more stupid than ever? Well I am not becoming dumber, so they're probably not either, I must be imagining things!
I mean, yeah, ignorance is bliss, but why is it that happiness is almost as blinding towards reality as love? Why the fuck do we tend to put on our rose-tainted glasses every single time we have an increased release of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine in our brain?
Maybe I just answered my own question with that, but still, although I do like being happy, I hate the fact that my surroundings become somewhat deluded as soon as I am, like I'm reaching the end of a very long drinking binge and can not be sure anymore as to whether things are as they seem, or just seem differently to me because of my temporary mental instability.
So, the conclusion that inevitably has to be drawn is that happiness (and love for that matter, but that's a whole other topic that will get its own post at some point) deceives you into seeing the same reality with a pink distortion and a big fucking smile, making you very susceptible to people that have learned to spot that behavior and exploiting it by pretending to be feeling the same emotions that are based purely on chemical reactions within our primitive cerebrum driven by lesser desires. Hence my constant cynicism and loathing. I want to be kept in the factual world as long as possible, the emotionally tainted world view is just something that slowly grinds down my brain to a gooey mass of oh so happy thoughts and primitive satisfaction up to a point of no return, up to the point of me becoming a happily following duckling, running after an useless, old, rubber boot without ever questioning things, because - hey - after all I'm happy, right?
But still, like hard drugs, happiness in moderation is fine. And seeing as today has been the first day for a large number of days that I am actually happy, I think I'll be alright.
So, let's focus on that for a second: I am actually happy. How this came into being, you ask? Well, I'm not going to discuss every little detail here, this is a public platform after all, but in the past weeks a few events transpired and choices were made that all led to a pretty awesome time lately, finally culminating into the resonating happiness that I feel today. Resonating from when, isn't today the first happy day for a long time, you ask? Well, sometimes it takes a day or two to actually realize that something made you really happy, and when that realization hits you, the rose-tainted glasses magically appear and you're fucking stupid for a while. Then, luckily, these feelings slowly fade like a withering flower in order to decay and decompose, thereby becoming nutrients for a new flower and new feelings, completing the circle of... well, happiness I guess.
Anyway, of course not only transpiring events led to my being happy, people were also a factor in that, but seeing as none of you really know my personal life, friends, etc. (and I intend to keep it that way), I will not go into any detail here.
Yeah I know, writing a post about me being happy and then giving essentially no reasons, but only clues to reasons as to why that is, is kind of a dick move towards you guys, but if you knew aforementioned details you would understand why I am not sharing this in its entirety to a worldwide audience. Actually those of you with a functioning brain will be able to put some of the pieces together, so there should be an approximate picture of what happened forming in your minds. And if not, that's even better.
I don't know what it all means anyway. I can be happy today, but tomorrow I will wake up once again to the sound of waves of shit that are slowly but steadily dissolving my will to fight the good fight day after day, I will once again wake up to a cynical outlook on a dying planet inhabited by a population that's slowly rotting from the inside of its own values, structures and concepts. I mean, that's what I am hearing and looking at now too, but I am alright with it, i.e. I ignore it, simply because I feel too damn happy to care about anything else at the moment, for the time being.
But I know that that will change soon enough, so I am enjoying it while it lasts, while I can still ignore the constant beating against my temples caused by the same fucking waves that are trying to break my will each and every day.
I guess what I would say summing up is that happiness is fine, happiness is fun, but try to remember what you thought about things prior to being really happy and be wary of the differences you will notice, and realize that they're just delusions created by your insufferably happy brain.
And also that I am happy today and mildly experiencing those delusions. Just wanted to say that for the record.
And I think I'll leave you guys with these thoughts, and, of course, as always some good music...:
Gus Black - Paranoid
-> awesome acoustic remake of the original Sabbath song, I first heard this version whilst watching "Californication", which, if you haven't seen it yet, is definitely a series worth watching, the main character is incredibly cool, and the whole storyline just has this raw, a little crazy undertone that makes the whole show amazing!
DVBBS & Borgeous - Tsunami
-> this song is not really in any genre that I usually listen to, I'd classify it as jump- or hard-style to be honest, but I am not sure about it. Anyway, I heard this song during the "Nature One" festival in 2013 and just found out its name a couple of days ago, and am now really stoked that I know it, so it needed to be shared... Enjoy!
Hobbie Stuart - Still Here (Gemini Remix)
-> I don't know 'Hobbie Stuart', or the original song for that matter, but this remix is jaw-dropping, awesome, and all in all, once again, musical excellence and genius infused into an amazing mix that manages to very heavy and very melodically beautiful at the same time, just great!!
Warron Zevon - My shit's fucked up
-> Another song taken from aforementioned series, "Californication", which essentially sums up the feeling I get every time I start recovering from a long drinking, smoking, and drug binge... "My shit's fucked up"... Great song, pretty chill actually, pretty deep here and there too, so all in all an awesome piece of music!
Keizer - Wacht
-> well, I don't speak Dutch, but from the few words I do think to understand I would say that this a representing track, and Keizer is most definitely a fucking beast when it comes to rapping... Great beat, great rap, great artist, 'nuff said!
Sinik - Une époque formidable
-> This is such a great, deeply reflecting track about Sinik's past and background, him growing up and so forth. He is all in all a rather famous rapper in France, and I have been listening to him since 2006, so I really connect a lot of memories to this track, and to him in general. Enjoy!
Guns'n'Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
-> Amazing song, amazing group, amazing voice, amazing guitar, amazing everything, I have literally zero complaints about this song, except that it's too short maybe. Great, great track I have also listened to a lot in my past, making it somewhat special to me as well... Enjoy!
So, in a happy and positive mood for once, I'll say goodbye to all of you who actually take the time to read this! :)
P.S.: NOT A SINGLE VOTE has gone in yet concerning the layout... Which is really not cool, it takes like two fucking seconds, please spare them to help me make this blog as interesting as possible! Thank you!!
- I am a dedicated and ambitious aspiring freelance journalist, blogger, and writer. My main asset is my international background - I was born in Germany, then moved to France, and proceeded to grow up in China - and the cultural open-mindedness inherent to such a life story. I specialize in opinion pieces, but am also well-versed in travel/event reporting, and writing general news stories. I blog regularly on my two pages, and have contributed to multiple online publications, including Gonzo Today, a web page dedicated to Hunter S. Thompson's "gonzo" journalism and his legacy. If you have any writing needs, I am the right person to talk to! I will be able to match the tone and style you desire, will work overtime to make you happy, and will deliver high quality content. You can find me on Facebook and LinkedIn as "Mark Linnhoefer", and on Twitter as "@markalinnhoefer". For work proposals please feel free to use the contact form on either of my blogs!